Hearing the heart

“Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water; but a man of understanding will draw it out” (Proverbs 20:5 KJV).

“What were you thinking?” I asked my middle son, Jonathan, after reading the note he brought home from school that day, banning him from the bus for two weeks.

“I don’t know.” He responded with a pleading look in his eyes that said, “What answer is Dad looking for here and how can I get out of this without further trouble?”

I was angry and frustrated with him and he knew it. I was tired of his clownish behavior at school. It seemed he stayed in trouble that year.

But my frustration wasn’t just with him. I felt like a failure too. I couldn’t seem to help him change. Jonathan’s behavior problems at school seemed to be getting worse instead of better. I had tried spanking, grounding, taking away privileges (No TV, no video games, etc.), but nothing was working.

“What am I going to do with you?” I said. It was a rhetorical question that slipped out of my mouth with a long sigh. I wasn’t really looking for an answer.

But Jonathan responded, “I don’t know Dad. I just can’t get it right.”

As I looked into his lowered eyes, his defenses had dropped. He wasn’t just trying to get out of trouble here. He was frustrated too. On top of that, of my three children, Jonathan was always the most sensitive to my opinion of him. He really wanted me to be proud of him. He couldn’t stand to disappoint me.

“What should we do about this note?” I asked.

“I guess you should spank me.” He said, with a voice resigned to its fate.

“No.” I said. “That hasn’t been working. Today, we’re going to do something different.” So, I put my hand on his shoulder and pulled him close and started praying over him.

“Lord, reveal to us our hearts. Show me as Jonathan’s father how I can help him today. And God, show Jonathan where his behavior is coming from. Help him to give you control over his actions. Lord, give him self-control, so that his teachers, fellow students, and especially his bus driver can see that he is a Christ-follower.”

As I took my hands off of Jonathan and raised my head, I noticed that his head was still bowed. Then I heard him pray,

“Jesus, I’m sorry. Please get the devil out of me, so I can stop getting into trouble and so my daddy won’t be sad about me.”

After praying, he raised his eyes, looking at me to see what was next.

“No punishment today, Son. Let’s see what happens after we asked God to help us understand His heart and our hearts better.”

“OK, Daddy.” He said, with a sound of profound relief in his voice.

As he left the upstairs bedroom that I was using as my home office, I could tell he was confused. He kind of backed out of the room with a “What just happened?” look on his face.

Something did happen that day. I can’t say that Jonathan suddenly became the perfect child, but we never had another school year like that one again.

God helped us both with our hearts that day.