“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows” (2 Corinthians 1:3-5 NIV).
A crazy kind of math has been at work in me.
I am becoming a man who is less and less what he was and perhaps, more and more what he will be. The subtractions of life have hopefully allowed for the additions of the Spirit.
The most profound loss of my life was when my father died of cancer when I was eight years old. He was only 39. This loss resulted in an increased awareness of God as my Father. How often I cried out to Him as a child saying, “Father, I’m hurting. I’m lonely. Help me!”
I don’t want to sound too mystical, but I’ve had some real experiences with God. I remember some nights in the months and years following my father’s death where I felt God’s fatherly touch. I don’t know what else to call it. I’d be laying there on my pillow, crying out to Him and He would come to me and comfort me.
Believe what you want. I have felt God’s fatherly embrace.
But when the sun would come up I would still hunger for a father. And God made provision for me there too.
I remember praying that God would let Mr. Black be my fifth grade teacher. The school I attended had three teachers for each grade. During summer break you would receive your teacher assignment in the mail. All the other teachers were women. In fact, Mr. Black was the only male teacher in the first five grades at High Point Elementary School.
That summer I opened the teacher assignment letter with trembling hands, “Yeah!” I screamed. “I’m in Mr. Black’s class!”
Mr. Black was cool. He drove a Corvette. He played quarterback for both teams at recess. He threw the ball so hard it hurt to catch it. He clunked all the boys on the head with his class ring when he walked past you in the hall (This was an honor).
He called you by your last name, unless you were a girl. “Hey Combs! You and Church get up here!” he’d yell. Me and David Church (remember alphabetical seating?) used to have trouble being quiet in class.
I loved being in Mr. Black’s fifth grade class.
God gave me many father figures. He gave me “Papa,” my mother’s father, who taught me to work hard and laugh loud at the same time. He gave me Uncle Basil who taught me to shoot a gun, cast a line, and drive a straight. He gave me a coach in little league named, “Tony” who taught me not to close my eyes when they hit you a grounder. He gave me a boss in the corporate world named “Mike” who challenged me to be a leader and didn’t cut me any slack. All of these men made fatherly marks on me.
As I grew older the father hunger started changing. It started becoming a passion for being a father. More and more, I saw myself as a father. And I love it. I love being a father!
This father identity seems to be the life-thread that runs from my past and pulls me into my future. As I think about my future story, I find myself organizing my future around my primary identity as a father figure and the relationships that emerge out of that identity.
These seven relationships are as follows: 1) Jesus, 2) Self, 3) Family, 4) Small Group, 5) My Local Church, 6) The City Church, and 7) The Global Church .
Years from now I dream of being a man who …
… has grown in the love and knowledge of Jesus Christ. I want to practice the presence of Jesus in my life so fully that I notice when Christ gently nudges me or when He is not satisfied with my ways. I want to know what it means to walk in the Spirit without giving in to the flesh. I would like to overhear my older self talking to Jesus with such intimacy and joy that I would know that he is being led by the Father.
… has grown in self knowledge and discipline. I want to practice the spiritual disciplines so that I yield the Spirit’s fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. This older self is quick to receive forgiveness so that he doesn’t wallow in self-defeat. He doesn’t compare himself to others. He strives to be the very tool that God has shaped. He is satisfied to be who God has called him to be.
… has become a wonderful, godly grandfather. If I could see my older self with my family, I see a house in the country near a lake with a grandfather taking his grandchildren out boating or one riding between his legs on the riding mower. This older father would be a mentor and encourager to his children and their spouses. He would intentionally spend time with each grandchild to instill his love and faith into each one. I can see him now, camping under the stars, teaching his grandchildren about God and nature.
… meets weekly with a small group of believers in a home. This older man will not have grown lax in his commitment to live out the call to meet from “house to house” and in the “temple courts.” He will express his spiritual gifts in a setting that becomes the real church for him. People will love to be with him in a small group because of the way he loves and encourages them. He will mentor others to lead small groups of the same caliber that devote themselves to the apostle’s teaching, to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread, and to prayer.
… has firmly planted a world-class local church called Wilson Community Church and continues to pastor it with godly wisdom, passionate zeal, and spiritual power. This future self will have built a firm foundation on Christ and on the apostle’s teaching so that a body of believers will exist that grow to maturity in Christ. This older man will be near his peak now. He will lead a diverse staff and lay team of great and gifted leaders who have been with him for many years. He will speak and write with experience and authority on what God has taught him in the process of planting a church. He will continue to burn for fathering/planting new churches.
… has led the city of Wilson, North Carolina into spiritual renewal by uniting local churches into a “city church” vision. This older self will walk the streets of downtown Wilson or of the local mall and stop for conversation with people from every church and walk of life. He will be known as a city pastor. Not everyone will attend his church, but everyone will know that he loves them and he loves the city. He will help other churches to grow, he will lead prayer summits and prayer walks with other churches. He will cooperate with the city government and serve them. He will write in the local news paper and mentor other local pastors.
… has become an elder pastor, mentor, and coach to church planters and missionaries in North Carolina, the U.S. and the world. This older self would grow in his involvement with groups like the Innovative Church Community where he would be a coach and mentor to many church pastors and leaders. He would often travel to speak or encourage people on the field who are planting churches or working in missions. He would have a global vision for reaching the world. He would see people from Wilson Community Church answer the call to plant churches and start missions around the world. He would stay in contact with them as a mentor and friend.
I see my future story extending like a thread from my earliest hunger for a father to my greatest fulfillment as a father. A father leads. A father protects. A father creates– plants new things. A father loves. A father mentors. A father coaches. A father releases. A father lays down his life for others. I want to comfort others with the comfort I’ve received from the Father of all comfort.
A father is what I’m becoming.