Am I the father of the bride or the officiating minister? Well, this past Saturday I was both.

It has been my honor and privilege to lead all three of my children and their future spouses through premarital counseling and to officiate at their weddings. But I was emotionally unprepared for this third one. With my two sons I could somewhat concentrate on the role of minister. Sure, I was affected by seeing my tall, handsome sons standing there, but I was pretty much doing and saying what I always do and say at the many weddings I’ve performed.

With my daughter, Erin, I had to do and say something I’ve never done and said before. I had to escort her down that long aisle and answer the question: “Who gives this woman to be married to this man?”

I answered, “Her mother and I.”

As I put her hand into Abbott’s, instead of taking a seat next to my wife as is the custom, I walked onto the platform and became the minister. Believe me when I say that it wasn’t an easy transtition for me.

It was a beautiful ceremony and everything came off wonderfully. At the end I made the presentation.

“It is my honor to now present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Richard Abbott Mitchell!”

After they and the wedding party moved down the aisle I reverted back to my role as father and husband to escort my dear wife. I still had my emotions in check.

It wasn’t until the reception that I felt the self-control on my emotion slip. As I stood with an open umbrella over my Erin, I said to her and to Abbott,

“This umbrella symbolically represents my God-given authority and protection over my daughter. She has been mine. I now relinquish this spot to you, Abbott. She is yours and the role is now yours too. May God bless you both.”

And so I finished my day of double duty.

I haven’t had this kind of confusion of emotion for years.

This week is my daughter’s wedding. We’ve planned it for months. But unexpectedly (This is always the case), my family lost my mother’s sister on Saturday morning. I was getting ready for visiting missionaries to have dinner with us on Saturday when I received the call from my brother.

“Gary.”

“Hey Donnie, what’s up?”

“Bad news. Aunt Betty died this morning.”

So, we took care of our guests for the weekend. We had church. Then, we got in the car and drove to Virginia for a funeral. You don’t plan for funerals. You just respond and go.

I remember a few years ago when we had a similar week. Robin and I had just found out we were pregnant with our first child (Stephen). We were elated. In the same week, Robin’s paternal grandfather died.

I wrote a song for my father-in-law and my wife that week. The chorus went like this:

“An old man dies,

     a child is born.

A life to shout.

     a death to mourn.”

I suppose I’m not the first to feel both the joy and sadness of life at once. King Solomon certainly spoke of it in the book of Ecclesiates as he said,

To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under the heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die… a time to weep, and a time to laugh.”

I’m drawing on the grace of God this week. I’m praying that it will extend to my entire family. God gives us the capacity to laugh and to mourn at its appropriate time.

In Christ I can clear the emotional confusion. Today, I can weep. Tomorrow I can laugh. Somedays I do both. It’s OK. Christ gives us this grace.

In Christ I can mourn at a funeral and celebrate at a wedding. Neither was a surprise to Him. He knew the hour for both beforehand.

We had a great time this weekend with Larry Benson, his wife Sheila and two of his three daughters!

Larry is with Alternative Missions and serves as the director for the Bay Islands, Honduras mission. He is a man with a passion for unleashing people for ministry.

His Sunday message resonated throughout our church as people heard his call to say, "Yes!" to God this year. I think our WCCers heard this call.

We’re already prayerfully planning on how to help Brandy VanderMeer (who also spoke Sunday) get back to the mission with Larry. And also how to help our WCCers take part as well.

Perhaps, you will want to spend a couple of weeks building/teaching/worshiping with someone in another land this year. Perhaps it will be in Honduras!

Connecting and working with Larry and his team is a strategic "Yes!" for us and for the Kingdom.

Life has gone by faster than expected.

Last night I met with my daughter Erin and her fiance Abbott for their last premarital counseling session. Their wedding day is just a week from this coming Saturday. We made some final plans for the wedding. And believe it or not we discussed what God’s Word says about intimacy between a husband and a wife.

Imagine me sitting in my dining room with these two, reading selections from Song of Solomon and 1 Corinthians. I had them read aloud the passages that describe the feelings that a man has for his wife and vice versa. I told them that sex was designed by God to make the two become one. I told them that it was a gift only to be opened after a wedding. I told them that it was for consummation, procreation, and recreation. I told them it was only for those who make a life long commitment to one another.

Afterwards, I asked if they had any questions. They didn’t.

Erin said, “Nope.”

Abbott cleared his throat and said, “No sir.”

I suppose it is a bit uncomfortable for a daughter and even harder for a future son-in-law to have such a discussion.  But I was doing my job as a pastor and as a father. Besides, they asked me to do the wedding. So, they got the wedding along with all six premarital sessions, two books to read, one workbook, and much homework.

The way I see it, I’m not in the wedding business. I’m in the marriage business. Sure, we have to plan a ceremony, but I’m more interested in planning and preparing couples for a lifelong commitment together. The main thing I try to teach them is to love Jesus with priority and He will keep their marriage strong.

All three of my children have honored me by asking me to perform their weddings. With Erin we’ve had to work out how I’m supposed to both be the father who gives her away and the pastor who officiates.

I think we’ve got it worked out on paper. I’m just not so sure we have it worked out in my heart yet.

The photo above was taken in my dining room during the Christmas holidays. Our dining room wall is covered with family portraits, but I was surprised to see the old black and white on the wall behind Abbott and Erin so clearly. The portrait is of me at three along with my mother and father. Both of them have gone on to be with the Lord. As for me, well, I’m not three anymore.

And neither is Erin. I remember when she was three. Her portrait at three is also hanging on my dining room wall. But now she’s getting married.

I suppose we’ll have to make room on the dining room wall for a new portrait.

“Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered, and that my life is fleeing away. My life is no longer than the width of my hand. An entire lifetime is just a moment to you; human existence is but a breath” (Psalm 39:4-5 NLT).

“But I said, “I have labored to no purpose; I have spent my strength in vain and for nothing. Yet what is due me is in the Lord’s hand, and my reward is with my God” (Isaiah 49:4 NIV).

About seven years ago I discovered the necessity of getting away with God at the end of the year. It helps me look back and consider how we did on that year’s goals and plans. It helps me get centered in the present and consider where I am now. And it helps me prepare to face the new year.

I’ve made taking an annual study/contemplative break part of my annual calendar. It’s kind of like being the first person walking on the beach early in the morning. You can see your footprints in the sand without the distraction of all the other tracks that accumulate during the day.

I think we all have a desire to see our own footprints, our own mark on this world. We all desire significance. It seems to be something that God has put in all of us, a kind of holy ambition to matter for something or to someone.

But then the waves come crashing ashore. A new day dawns. We rise to walk out and can find no evidence that we ever walked this way before. Where is the significance in this? What lasting impression have we made?  Our lives are like a “breath.” We labor, but to what purpose?

As I walked along the shore this morning I asked God about this. “I’m getting up in years now you know, Lord. The first few times I ran down this beach I left deep, dangerous prints in the sand. Now, I’m a little slower, the prints are not as deep, but they are better defined. What does it matter? You will wash them all away during the night.”

Continuing down the windy coast, my hands in my pockets, my eyes on the horizon, I listened for the One who still speaks.

I sensed Him saying, “You’ve misunderstood. The waves aren’t washing your prints away. They are just offering you a fresh beach to walk on. Your significance is safe with Me. I’ve kept record of every moment of your life. Nothing is lost.”

The wind on my face now felt like His gentle touch. My reward is in His hand. I am free to walk or run on a fresh, new beach. He will keep the score.

I wonder what tracks we’ll leave in 2008?

I know a lot of people have been upset in recent days that everyone doesn’t say "Merry Christmas." I surely have no disagreement with their distress. It is after all the name of the season we celebrate. Those who want to generalize things and leave the Christian message out by saying "Happy Holidays" are certainly fooling no one. This is Christmas and we all know it.

But this Christmas someone in our church has caused me to start a new saying. Not that I would take the meaning out of Christmas, but this WCCer has given me such a gift that it has caused me to say something totally new for the season.

For I have found a Honda under the tree… for me!

So, forgive me for saying, "Happy Honda Days!" Because I’ll be the one in leathers and Dingo boots astride my mighty, straight piped steed.

I haven’t been surprised at Christmas like this since I was a kid. I’m thankful for the friendship and love that a personal gift like this bestows. It’s good to know that people appreciate what you do and the friendship you offer.

Now I’m looking for fellow cyclers to join me. Wanna go for a ride?

When I first felt called to do more than just be a pastor to our church, but to be a pastor to our whole city, I wasn’t sure what it would look like. What does a city pastor do?

So, I decided to serve wherever doors opened. This past week they opened in places that I never anticipated…

I attended the monthly meeting of the Wilson Minister’s Association (of which I was formerly the president until last year). We met with a group of police officers, a Barton professor of criminology, and a rep from the juvenile court to discuss the growing concern of gang activity in Wilson. As pastors, we gave our support to help in any way we could.

A few days later, as a member of the board of directors with a non profit group called “Youth of Wilson,” I helped interview and select a new director for this very important program that matches mentors and at-risk teens together for life mentoring. The woman we’re hiring has a lot of drive and plenty of experience. I’m hopeful that she can really lead this program well.

Now, today I’ve just returned from Toisnot Park where I rode around our Disc Golf course with Dale, the guy in charge of grounds for Wilson Parks and Recreation. I sent an email complaining about the poor shape of the disc golf course earlier in the year and now I’m the designated expert. Dale says he doesn’t know anything about the sport, so he has named me his official “disc golf consultant.”

“Besides,” he says, “If someone doesn’t like the changes we make, who’s gonna get mad at a preacher?”

“Plenty of people.” I respond.

Is this what it means to be a city pastor?

I learned today that Dan Fogelberg has died at age 56 of cancer.

Back in the late 70s when I was attending college, Fogelberg was my favorite musical artist. As a guitarist and song writer myself, I felt a kindred spirit with him. I also sensed some similar musical influences in his mixture of electric and acoustic guitars with his wonderful melodies and songs that told stories. I learned to play and sing every song on his album entitled “Souvenirs.” I often dreamed of playing songs with him some day.

One of my favorites from the “Souvenirs” album was his song “Part of the Plan.” It showed that Fogelberg was more than a folk singer… he could really rock! No wonder it was a great song, he had Joe Walsh on acoustic and 12 string guitar and Graham Nash on backup vocals.

Take a look at these great lyrics from “Part of the Plan.” Fogelberg wrote weighty stuff.

I have these moments all steady and strong
I’m feeling so holy and humble
The next thing I know I’m all worried and weak
And I feel myself starting to crumble
The meanings get lost and the teachings get tossed
And you don’t know what you’re going to do next
You wait for the sun but it never quite comes
Some kind of message comes through to you
Some kind of message comes through
And it says to you…
(Chorus)
Love when you can
Cry when you have to
Be who you must
That’s a part of the plan
Await your arrival with simple survival
And one day we’ll all understand
One day we’ll all understand
One day we’ll all understand

According to his website bio, Dan always had a “wish list” of musicians that he wanted to play with and over time he got to play with nearly every one of them. The list of people he recorded with goes from Don Henley to Doc Watson, and from Graham Nash to Ricky Skaggs.

One of my best friends since childhood, Bruce Denton, and I went to see Dan Fogelberg in concert at Freedom Hall Civic Center in Johnson City, Tennessee when he was promoting his “Netherlands” album. Dan came out onto the stage alone for the first half of his concert. On the stage was a grand piano and a chair surrounded with various guitars. He sat down and started talking to us (all 20,000 of us) like we were in his living room. He proceeded to play and sing solo from the piano (he was an accomplished pianist) and then moved to a chair center stage and sang and played from about five different guitars (he had excellent chops from his studio days). This was without a doubt the best concert I ever attended. Both Bruce and I were blown away.

Plus, I would be negligent not to mention that the “Netherlands” album was mine and Robin’s kissing album (Don’t get all self-righteous on me now! I bet you had kissing music too).

So, I owe Dan a debt of gratitude. His music was the backdrop to my early days as a musician and a man in love with a woman.

I wish I could have played with you Dan, but I guess it wasn’t part of the plan.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. …The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us… (John 1:1-3, 14 NIV)

What if there were an equation that could describe everything? A kind of mathmatical explanation that would unify our understanding of all existence?

Scientists refer to such a theory as ToE, the Theory of Everything. This hypthetical theory seeks to fully explain and link together all known physical phenomena. There have been numerous ToEs proposed over the years, but as yet none have been able to stand up to experimental scrutiny.

Albert Einstein spent the last 30 years of his life in search of what was to be his crowning achievement, a unified field theory that would attempt to “read the mind of God.” Einstein had made major breakthroughs in his theories describing Special Relativity and General Relativity, but an equation that would explain all physical phenomena eluded him.

The French philospher, Laplace, described what sort of intellect it would require to formulate such a theory:

“An intellect which at a certain moment would know all forces that set nature in motion, and all positions of all items of which nature is composed, if this intellect were also vast enough to submit these data to analysis, it would embrace in a single formula the movements of the greatest bodies of the universe and those of the tiniest atom; for such an intellect nothing would be uncertain and the future just like the past would be present before its eyes” (Essai philosophique sur les probabilités, Introduction, Laplace. 1814).

Stephen Hawking was originally a proponent for the Theory of Everything, but after considering Gödel’s Theorem of Incompleteness, concluded that one was not obtainable.

“Some people will be very disappointed if there is not an ultimate theory that can be formulated as a finite number of principles. I used to belong to that camp, but I have changed my mind” (Stephen Hawking, Gödel and the end of physics, July 20, 2002).

This search for a unifying theory is not new. The ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus of Ephesus (ca. 535-475 BC) was known for his doctrine of the Logos as the fundamental order of all. His writings influenced Plato, Socrates, and the Jewish philospher, Philo.

It was into this Greek/Jewish understanding of the Logos that the apostle John wrote: “In the beginning was the Logos (the Word).”

John declares the Theory of Everything to be the Logos. He says that the Logos is God. The Greeks would not have had trouble with this conclusion. They saw the need for a divine intellect and power.

But John’s declaration that “the Logos became flesh” would have been unacceptable to them. They viewed the flesh or physical world as inferior. The idea that God would become man was nearly impossible for their minds to conceive.

It thrills me to consider that as the Logos, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is the organizing principle and explanation for everything.

As Scientists continue to pursue a Theory of Everything, people of faith continue to look to the One who became flesh so that we may know God.

This Christmas I’m thinking about how Jesus is the One who makes my existence make sense.

I recently asked the children at a Sunday service, “Who gets gifts on your birthday?”

Their answer was a loud, “I do!”

Then I asked them, “Since Christmas is the birthday of Jesus, who should get gifts?”

They shouted in response, “Jesus!” The logic was inescapable even for a child or maybe especially for a child.

The gospel according to Matthew reported that Magi came bearing gifts for Jesus. These men were probably Persian or Babylonian wise men, students of the stars and of ancient Middle Eastern writings. Perhaps they had access to the writings of Moses, that king Nebuchadnezzer of Babylon had acquired when he conquered Israel and looted the Jewish temple. There was a prophecy concerning a coming king found in the book of Numbers that said a “star will come out of Jacob” and a “scepter will rise out of Israel.” If the Magi were students of these writings, the appearance of a new star over Israel may have led them to conclude that the prophesied Messianic King had arrived.

It seems ironic that these foreigners would travel to the land of the people of the Book looking for a prophesied king when those to whom the Book and the King truly belonged didn’t even recognize his arrival. The Magi traveled a great distance bearing gifts while the people of God went about their daily business unaware of the significance of the season. The Magi brought Jesus gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh while the people of faith brought him nothing.

As people of faith today we often make the same oversight. We get caught up in the busyness of Christmas and forget to acknowledge the one for whom the season exists. But it doesn’t have to be this way. We can offer Jesus the same three gifts that the Magi did centuries ago.

We can offer Jesus the gift of gold. Gold is a gift fit for a king. We can acknowledge Jesus as the king, the master of our lives. We can give him the gift of gold. How? Jesus said if you’ve done it for the “least of these,” then you’ve done it for him. We can show that Jesus is king over our possessions by giving to the “least of these” this Christmas.

We can offer Jesus the gift of frankincense.  Frankincense is a gift fit for a priest. This aromatic resin was highly valued. The odoriferous substance was used throughout the Jewish temple as a main ingredient in the holy anointing oil, and was burned with the meat offering. Giving Jesus the gift of frankincense means that we acknowledge him as our divine priest, the one who mediates between God and men.

We can offer Jesus the gift of myrrh. Myrrh is a gift fit for a savior. Like frankincense this resinous exudate was prized for its aromatic qualities. While it had many uses it was especially known as a medicine to relieve pain and a spice employed to prepare the dead for burial. When we offer Jesus the gift of myrrh we recognize that he himself is our sin sacrifice and accept him as our Savior.

Christmas is the season when we celebrate that God “so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son.” It is also the season when we can acknowledge God’s gift by giving back to him. Wise men and women still offer him gifts fit for a King, a Priest, and a Savior.

Will you include Jesus on your gift list this year?