{"id":9829,"date":"2021-08-01T08:22:00","date_gmt":"2021-08-01T12:22:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/?post_type=message&p=9829"},"modified":"2021-08-19T08:24:57","modified_gmt":"2021-08-19T12:24:57","slug":"release-your-child-to-the-lord-3","status":"publish","type":"message","link":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/message\/release-your-child-to-the-lord-3","title":{"rendered":"Release Your Child to the Lord"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Below is an automated transcript of this message<\/h3>\n\n\n\n Good <\/i><\/span> morning church! We are in part three of our series; we’re concluding our series today, entitled, \u201cParenthood.\u201d We’ve been going through the three R’s of parenthood; it is not the three R\u2019s of education, which is \u201creading, writing and arithmetic.\u201d It is the three R\u2019s of parenthood, which is, Receive our Children as a gift from the Lord, Raise them up in the admonitions of the Lord and Release them back to the Lord. This is what it looks like to be parents. It’s a temporary assignment; it\u2019s a holy stewardship. \n\n\nToday, we are going to be talking about releasing your child to the Lord, which in many ways is one of the most challenging seasons of being a parent. It’s because this season tends to be what we call \u201cthe teenage years.\u201d We’re raising children through the teenage years and that’s a challenging season. As we\u2019ve said before, it’s a good thing to have a sense of humor as a parent. You need a sense of humor.

\nWith that <\/i><\/span> in mind, here’s some funny tweets by parents of teens:

\nTweet #1: Blue-eyed Ice Queen – \u201cBe kind to the people you meet… you never know who\u2019s raising\na teenager.\u201d\nTweet #2: Lisa Bodnar – \u201cHaving a teen is sending them an \u2018I love you\u2019 text and getting a thumbs up in reply.\u201d\nTweet #3: Positively Randi – \u201cRaising teenagers makes you age in dog years! I think I look pretty good for being 343!\u201d\nTweet #4: Untameable Soul – \u201cHaving a teenager is like having a cat that only comes out to eat and hisses when you try and pet it.\u201d\nTweet #5: Steve Olives – \u201cAt the airport. Just kissed 13 yr old son on his forehead. He reacted like Dracula getting impaled by a wooden stake.\u201d\nTweet #6: Sweet Momissa – \u201cYou think your kid\u2019s room is bad? I watched our Roomba go in the doorway of my teen\u2019s room, looked both ways, and turned right back around and left.\u201d

\nParents have all <\/i><\/span> kinds of questions during the time that they’re raising children. They ask questions like, \u201cHow and when should I discipline my child? They ask questions about potty training. They ask spiritual questions too; \u201cWhen is my child old enough to understand the Gospel?\u201d \u201cWhen will they understand it well enough to make a profession of faith?\u201d \u201cWhat about baptism and The Lord’s Supper?\u201d When is the right time for a child to make these kinds of decisions? The truth is, it really depends on the child, using God’s word as our guide. We have to look at the maturity level of the child. There does tend to be certain general averages that require different parenting styles. \nNow, many of us think, Well, I’m just going to go with this one parenting style. That won’t work, because every child is different. Every child is unique. They change over the time that they’re growing up. They go through different seasons where it requires <\/i><\/span> different parenting styles.

\nWith this in mind, I started thinking about this, some years ago, when we were raising our children. At the time, it was before I became a pastor. I was an executive with a large drugstore chain; we had access to a lot of leadership seminars and so forth. I remember one by Ken Blanchard called, \u201cSituational Leadership.\u201d He shared the idea that when you have a new employee, you need this leadership style and as they progress, you change leadership styles based on where they are in their maturity as a leader. I started thinking, Man, that would work for parenting. I thought about writing a book, but it was too late. Ron Campbell already had come up with the idea. He <\/i><\/span> has this chart in his book. I’m gonna be talking about it off and on; it is on the back page of your bulletin.

\nFrom his chart, we’re just going to be talking through the life of your child. From ages 0 to 6, you’ll be mostly directing, teaching and telling them what to do. From there, you have to start giving them more explanation, persuasion, encouragement and problem solving. After this, it’s more like we are sending them out. This requires a certain parenting style. You’ll find, often, that children between the age of 6 and 12 are at their highest willingness level. They really want <\/i><\/span> to please you, but they don’t know everything yet.

\nWhat does the bible say about this? Gary, okay, you told us about this book, but we want to hear what God’s word says about it. It just so happens that the apostle Paul talks about the different ways that he was like a mother, like a father to the church members at the city of Thessaloniki. He followed different approaches, depending on where they were in their maturity. We’re going to be looking today at Paul’s three parenting styles of how to parent.

\nLet’s look at the text: 1 Thessalonians 2:7-12 (ESV) 7 \u201cBut we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. 8 So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our <\/i><\/span>our own selves, because you had become very dear to us. 9 For you remember, brothers, our labor and toil: we worked night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you, while we proclaimed to you the gospel of God. 10 You are witnesses, and God also, how holy and righteous and blameless was our conduct toward you believers. 11 For you know how, like a father with his children, 12 we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory.\u201d This is God\u2019s Word. Amen

\nHow to Release Your Child to the Lord:\n1. Show and Tell when they are young.

\nI want you to look at verse 12; this is a summary of how Paul parented the new believers because the church, after all, is a family. The church is the family of God . <\/i><\/span>

\nHe used three different verbs here; take note of them in your notes. The first is \u201cexhorted,\u201d the second is \u201cencouraged\u201d and the third is \u201ccharged.\u201d Can you see those? That’s our three parenting styles right there.

\nLet’s work on the first one, \u201cexhorted.\u201d That’s where we get \u201cshow and tell.\u201d The word, \u201cexhorted,\u201d is \u03c0\u03b1\u03c1\u03b1\u03ba\u03b1\u03bb\u03bf\u1fe6\u03bd\u03c4\u03b5\u03c2, parakalountes, in the Greek. It starts off with \u201cpara,\u201d which is where we get words like \u201cparagraph and parallel.\u201d It means to \u201ccome alongside\u201d or \u201cbeside of.\u201d This is the phase where he says to call your child alongside you. You are going to show them how to do things. Here’s how you tie your shoes, here’s how you brush your teeth. Here’s how you talk. Here’s how you walk. They don’t \u201ccome out\u201d doing these things. They know how to cry and other things. Everything else we have to teach them.

\nThis <\/i><\/span> is a very high directive season. It requires a lot of energy; it requires tons of energy. It’s good to have children while you’re young because you are working hard when they are ages 0-6 years. Paul talks about it.

\nPaul says that some of you, when you were just starting out, I had to be like a nursing mother taking care of you. I had to do everything for you. You didn’t know anything yet. Paul is descriptive, he talks with a gentle tone.

\nThen, in verse 9, he goes on to say, \u201cwe worked night and day.\u201d That sounds like you just had a newborn, right? It’s a high energy season. It\u2019s hard work during our children\u2019s ages of 0 to 6; children <\/i><\/span>don’t run out of energy. They have energy while yours is long gone. But, this is the season, if you pour out your energy, then it’ll be so much easier when they are teenagers. Teach them to obey, teach them the household rules, teach them your beliefs about the Lord and about Jesus. Teach these things from your child\u2019s ages 0 to 6; do the hard work.

\nI can still remember when Stephen, my first child, would go walking towards my stereo with a turntable. It would be playing a record. Tell the young people later what I’m talking about. Stephen would go up towards the needle and I would be saying <\/i><\/span>\u201dNo, No.\u201d He would scratch the record touching the needle. I don’t know how many needles on my record player he would break because he just couldn’t leave it alone. It was too attractive to him. I learned that I just had to get up and stop him. He couldn’t help himself.

\nOur children are born with \u201cthe bends;\u201d they are bent towards sin. That’s how all of us are born. We’re bent towards sin; we were born with the \u201csin gene.\u201d We have that in common, ever since Adam and Eve.

\nYou have to get out of that recliner and stop your child. Then, we graduated with Jonathan, our second child, to a VCR. Tell your kids about that later, as well. Jonathan walks up to the VCR with a sloppy peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I’m <\/i><\/span> in the recliner again and I’m tired. \u201cNo, get away from the VCR.\u201d He looks at me and starts batting his eyes like he knows he’s going to get it, but he can’t help himself. You cannot get peanut butter and jelly out of a VCR; you have to go buy a new one. This is a tough season. You have to move, you have to get up and help them because they can\u2019t help themselves. They go through this season. It’s a lot of work.

\nPhilippians 3:17 (NLT) \u201c…pattern your lives after mine, and learn from those who follow our example.\u201d Paul was bold enough to say, watch me and then do what I do. Many parents do the opposite; do as I say, not as I do. They should do <\/i><\/span> what we do more than they do what we say. We have to be consistent.

\nI know you’re sitting here thinking, Man, how do you do this? You must have God’s help, You have to pray a lot, trust the Lord and expend energy in this season. You do this with love and discipline.

\nPaul says in 1 Corinthians 4:21 (ESV) \u201cWhat do you wish? Shall I come to you with a rod, or with love in a spirit of gentleness?\u201d If you really love somebody, you will correct them. If you really love your child, you’ll discipline them. There’s a time when you should discipline. There’s a time when you should support and you ask the Lord for help with that.

\nI told you, last week, I used to get confused when they were little and they would stick a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in my VCR. I would get frustrated. I will need to clean up the problem. I will need to replace something that I <\/i><\/span> can’t get clean. I was angry because of what my children had done. Often, though, it was just childish behavior. They would spill something. They would trip over something. They would break something. I would sometimes discipline childish behaviour when I should have been saving my discipline for defiance, when a child does exactly the opposite of what you tell them to do. You can tell that they’re doing it and they’re testing you. You have to pass those tests. You have to teach them that \u201cno\u201d means \u201cno\u201d and \u201cyes\u201d means \u201cyes.\u201d During the ages of 0-6 is the season to do this. It’s a lot of work, but they’re more receptive to it during this season.

\nLet me put this chart up. I’ve got a lot of charts today. Maybe you can tell that I’m very passionate about the topic of raising our children. One of the things to be aware of is when they’re under five, they have very concrete thinking. What that means is be careful with the metaphors and so forth. One of them I <\/i><\/span> can tell you about is if your ask a little child, \u201cWould you like to ask Jesus in your heart?\u201d Then, they’re thinking that Jesus must be really little. Be careful with that kind of language. When we say \u201cyes\u201d to Jesus in our heart, what we’re saying is we have asked Him into your life. We have asked Him into the center of our life, where our will, our mind and our emotions are in the hearts of it. It doesn’t mean the heart that’s beating in your chest, right? This is a metaphor. We know this as adults, but as a child, they don\u2019t understand. So, when you talk to a child, you say, \u201cJesus died for your sins and He was raised from the grave on the third day. Do you know what a sin is? It\u2019s when you do wrong. It’s when you tell a lie. It’s when you hit your brother.\u201d You begin to teach what sin is and that we’re all sinners . <\/i><\/span> Daddy is a sinner, too. You keep it really basic and very concrete.

\nIf you think about our children’s ministry, we start off with really concrete bible stories, and we don’t do a lot of what I would call abstract stories until they start getting into third through fifth grade. It’s something we have learned about children; they’re very concrete. So, give them the rules. Then, as they grow up, you’ll start seeing that their minds are now able to understand the \u201cwhy\u201d behind things more. You work through this. Finally, as they finish up their teenage years, they have resolved so that they know their own mind on a thing. This is the process.

\nGo to the next chart. I’ve got so many charts today. I hope you’re \u201changing\u201d with me. are This is the parenting style we’ve been talking <\/i><\/span> about \u201cshow and tell\u201d from 0-6 years of age. It’s about making sure that it’s really high in teaching them obedience. You can teach them love, honor and respect along the way. But the main job right there, from ages 0 to 6, is to teach them to obey and teach them to do what you tell them to do. It\u2019s so important. They’re most receptive to it during that period.

\nMany parents, especially among the younger generation today, really want to be friends with their three year old. They want to be \u201cbuds.\u201d What I would say to you is to be their mom. Be their dad. You can be their \u201cbud\u201d when they’re grown. You can be their friend when they are grown. If you try to be their friend when they are 0-6 years old, you’ll end up being their enemy when they are a teenager. Be their mom. Be their dad. Teach them right from wrong, then you can be friends as they grow up. We get it out of order; be willing to take on the role.

\nThe <\/i><\/span> bible says in Ephesians 6:1-2 (ESV) \u201cChildren, obey your parents in the Lord… \u201cHonor your father and mother\u201d\nWe want to teach them to do that.

\nWe talked about this last week; Ginger Plowman, in her book, \u201cDon\u2019t Make Me\nCount to Three,\u201d wrote this, \u201cSet the standard of obedience. We should expect instant obedience from our children. Teach them that God wants them to obey all the way, right away and with a happy heart.\u201d As I mentioned last week, \u201cimmediately, sweetly and completely.\u201d We teach them the right attitude, how quickly to do it and to do it to fulfillment.

\nDr. Tedd Tripp, in his book, \u201cShepherding Your Child\u2019s Heart,\u201d says, \u201cWhen your child is old enough to resist your directives, he is old enough to be disciplined.\u201d I’ll have people ask me, How old do my children need to be before I can correct them? You correct them as soon as they’re able to understand. It depends on the child; it’s usually somewhere around 18-36 months of age when they start understanding <\/i><\/span> what \u201cno\u201d means. I’m not talking about abuse, but doing that which disciplines and directs the child.

\nDo the hard work; we are stewards of a holy stewardship. We’ve been given little eternal souls, little children that have infinite value to God. We’ve been given this holy stewardship to raise them up to trust the Lord. \u201cShow and tell\u201d when they’re young.

\n2. Coach and Encourage as they grow.

\nRemember that there are three words in verse twelve; the first is \u201cexhorted\u201d and the second is \u201cencouraged.\u201d You see that the second verb there is \u201cencouraged.\u201d This is the other way that Paul was a father to his children. He encouraged them. This is the idea of \u201cto comfort, to encourage, to say you can do it, I’m here with you to help you.\u201d This is primarily when your children reach ages 6-12 years. As <\/i><\/span> a parent, this was like my favorite age. There were different things I loved and things that were more challenging with parenting, but 6 to 12 years of age was really cool because it seemed like they got the rules down. There was less discipline. There was still discipline but it wasn’t so intense. I had already developed a \u201clook\u201d with them so I didn’t even have to speak. I could just give them \u201cthe look.\u201d To this day, (Stephen’s not in here right now but if he was sitting here), if I gave him \u201cthe look,\u201d he’d be wondering what <\/i><\/span>he need to fix with tech or whatever. He’s 39 years old now.

\nI remember, at a previous church before I became a pastor, that my wife and I were in the choir. It was the kind of church where the choir wore robes and stayed in the choir loft. The preacher would preach and we stayed in the choir. Our son, Stephen, had gotten to the age where he was too big to go to the children’s ministry, so we put him with a family in one of the pews. He was sitting in the second pew with this family. They had a little boy a year older than him. I’m sitting in the bass section and I’m looking around the preacher to see what my son is <\/i><\/span> doing. He and the little boy were play punching each other. I leaned over and gave him \u201cthe look.\u201d That whole pew of people straightened up. Everybody on that pew straightened up. I didn’t realize how much power I had with \u201cthe look.\u201d Afterwards, the dad of this family comes up to me and asks, \u201cAre you mad at me about something?\u201d I said, \u201cNo, I’m sorry, I was trying to send that laser beam to Stephen.\u201d I wiped everybody out on the second pew. Learn to achieve \u201cthe look.\u201d At this age, they will often respond to a look.

\nIn verses 10 and 11, Pauls says, \u201cYou are witnesses, and God also, how holy and righteous and blameless was our conduct toward you believers. For you know how, like a father with his children.\u201d In other words, we’ve been models to you. We’ve been <\/i><\/span> like a father to you. We’ve encouraged you. Put in the good work and they can affirm that you’ve done that good work for them.

\nIt says in Colossians 3:21 (ESV) \u201cFathers do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged.\u201d So, there’s this balance right here. Hopefully, you put in the good work during your child\u2019s age of 0 to 6. When your child reaches the ages from 6 to 12, you can inherit some of the good work. They’re very receptive during that age to your leadership.

\n Hebrews 10:24 (GW) \u201cWe must also consider how to encourage each other to show love and to do good works.\u201d I love that season so much. I remember we used to do this thing on Saturday mornings where I’d stand at the bottom of the steps, all the kids’ bedrooms were upstairs and they’d usually be upstairs playing. I would be getting ready to go somewhere and I would stand at the bottom of the <\/i><\/span> steps and say, \u201cStephen, do you want to go with daddy?\u201d He would say, \u201cYeah!\u201d and come running down the steps to get in the car with me. Then, Stephen turns 12. \u201cHey Stephen, do you want to go with daddy?\u201d Stephen says, \u201cWhere are you going?\u201d I wouldn’t even answer him. \u201cHey Jonathan, do you want to go with daddy? \u201cYeah!\u201d Then, one day, Jonathan says \u201cWhere are you going?\u201d \u201cHey Erin, do you want to go with daddy?\u201d \u201cYeah!\u201d I was just trying to enjoy time with them. Stephen and Jonathan would tell Erin, \u201cYou shouldn’t go. He’s going to make you work. He\u2019s going to go to Lowe’s. It\u2019s Saturday.\u201d It was just a joy to be with the kids in that age group. I’ve kidded around and said to my wife, Robin, \u201cI really feel like the kids <\/i><\/span> belong to you more than they do to me when they are 0 to 5 years old. They are mine starting at age six.\u201d I just really enjoyed that age.

\nThere’s something about that age. They’re the most spiritually receptive than they’ll ever be. In fact, what’s going on next door in the children’s wing is the most important thing that’s happening in the church because that’s the most spiritual receptive group of people in the building right now. A lot of us have gotten hard hearted towards spiritual things as we have gotten older. Children are very tender-hearted.

\nParents, if you have a child between six and 12, make sure that you’re aware of this. Talk to them about the Lord and answer their questions. I am not saying to push them into any decisions because they’re all different.

\nI remember my son, Stephen, when he was five years old, he made a confession of Christ that I was convinced was valid. It was real. In fact, to be sure, because he was so <\/i><\/span> young, I called the pastor of the church we were going to at that time. The pastor came over and spent the afternoon talking to Stephen. After he finished, he told me that Stephen knew more about this decision than a lot of adults he had talked to, so Stephen knew what he was doing. He agreed that Stephen should get baptized. My son Jonathan was around six or seven when he received Christ. It took him a little longer. My daughter, Erin, was around eight when she received Christ. Each one made the decision at their own pace. I was telling them about the Lord, but I was waiting for them to be able to express to me that they understood the difference between right and wrong and that they were a sinner and needed a Savior. I didn’t want to push them into it. I just wanted to keep giving them the information. If you push them, they might have a false sense of assurance later because they didn’t have <\/i><\/span> a full understanding. I wanted to take my time.

\nI remember when my daughter was around 6 or 7, she would say, \u201cDaddy, when do I get to eat the stuff at church? You know, that stuff with that cup and that bread down there.\u201d I told her, \u201cHoney, that’s for people who follow Jesus and have made a profession of faith.\u201d Erin didn’t fully understand sin; she didn’t understand that she was a sinner. She just wanted to eat the stuff down front. I had to help her understand that it\u2019s not about the stuff down front; it’s about asking Jesus to be your Lord and Savior. Each child is different and they mature at a different age. Be aware that, in that particular age group, children are more receptive.

\nPop<\/i><\/span> the chart up one more time. We’re in this section, which is the section where we’re encouraging, persuading and explaining it’s really high in love and direction. It\u2019s a hard working segment of parenting too, but it depends on who you are. For me, it was like one of my favorite seasons. It really was a fun season as a parent. \n3. Charge and Send as they mature.

\nWe are on that third word, in verse 12, where it says, \u201ccharged.\u201d We’ve done \u201cexhorted\u201d and \u201cencouraged.\u201d Now, we are on the word, \u201ccharged.\u201d \u201cCharged\u201d means you’re sending them out on the mission that you’ve taught them. You’ve encouraged them and it’s time for them to start taking the \u201ctraining wheels\u201d off and let them ride out past where you can see where they’re going so they’re on their own. This season is terrifying. What you have to say is <\/i><\/span> \u201cI’ve put all I can put in you now. I’m going to begin to trust you with more and more distance from me.\u201d

\nRemember, we’ve talked you receiving your child as a gift from the Lord. You raise them up in the admonition of the Lord. Then, the idea is that you release them to the Lord. Now, they’re taking His hand. You have this temporary job. You have this important job with your children from ages 0 to 17 or 18. You’re raising them up so that you can charge and send them out.

\nThe word, \u201ccharged,\u201d here has the idea of putting a calling on their life. In fact, he says this, \u201ccharged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory. \u201c I’m giving you to God.

\nI remember when my mom had had it \u201cjust up to here\u201d with my youngest brother, my baby brother Donnie, when Donnie was a teenager . <\/i><\/span> Donnie would not obey. She says to him, \u201cI’m giving you to the Lord.\u201d Well, that was a different kind of thing. What she meant was that he was getting too big for her to spank. Donnie said to her, \u201cDon’t do that, mom. Don’t turn me over to the Lord.\u201d When I say, \u201cturn them over to the Lord,\u201d I’m saying, \u201cTurn them over to Him to be directed by Him.\u201d You’ve raised them up, now it’s time to begin to release.

\nSome of us hang on too tight. When our children become teenagers, we turn our houses into \u201cprisons.\u201d We can actually provoke them to rebellion at that point. It’s a tough season for us as parents, especially if we’ve been really, really protective.

\nJesus spent three years with His disciples and then He sent <\/i><\/span> them out. He tells them that He wants them to go do what He has taught them to do. It says in John 20:21 (ESV) Jesus said to them again, \u201cPeace be with you. As the Father has sent me, even so I am sending you.\u201d \n \nThere’s coming a time when we send our kids out. When you teach your child to ride a bicycle, we start off with that little tricycle. Maybe you’ve got a thing at the back where you can actually turn the front wheel and push them around. They think they’re peddling, but actually you’re pushing them. Then, you get them a 12″ bicycle with training wheels and they ride it around the driveway. Then one day , you think maybe it’s time to take the training wheels off. You take the training wheels off and tell them to try it in the backyard, so if they fall, you are there and the grass <\/i><\/span> won’t hurt as badly as the pavement. Little by little, you’re getting them ready to ride a bicycle around the block with you. Then, it\u2019s time for them to ride it around the block without you; that’s usually when my wife, Robin, would say, \u201cAre you sure he’s ready for this?\u201d I would say to her, \u201c I think he’s ready; He’s ready for this.\u201d Then, this one day comes where they take drivers ed at school and they come to you and they want to get a driver’s license. They’re off, driving around. It goes by really fast. You won’t believe how fast it goes. And you have to start saying, \u201cI trust you. I trust you with the values, the beliefs and the things I’ve taught you. You’re in the Lord’s hands. Now, you’re driving out of my sight and protection.\u201d You put a calling <\/i><\/span> on their life and you and you have to switch from high authority to high influence. This is a tough season.

\nIt was high authority when they were young. Now, it’s a high influence. If you try to get that out of order, you will provoke your children into rebellion. I’ve got a chart here to show you how that looks. When they’re born, it’s a high authority. Tell them what to do. Very low influence. You don’t have any influence with them yet; you’re building that, but over time, the authority you use goes down. Somewhere, around their age of 13-14, it crosses over and from there on you want to be a high influence. The blue line is influence and the red line is authority. When they’re grown and married, hopefully they’re your friend. They call you and say, \u201cDad, how do you fix this?\u201d or \u201cMom, how do you make this?\u201d They trust you and you have influence. You’re not telling them what to do anymore. You have <\/i><\/span> influence with them not authority. Authority is temporary. But influence can last forever if you handle this season the way it should be handled.

\nPop a couple of charts up here. First, this is the season of your child in the age group of 13 to 17. This is the season where you’re giving less guidance and more support. They’re testing you all the time. They’re asking you \u201cwhy?\u201d and they’re pushing back on some of the stuff because they’re starting to get a mind of their own. (Referring to chart) is when you actually need to be really high in love and respect, but it won’t feel that way. It’ll feel like, No, I need to tamp down. But, you’ve done it here (chart). It’s time to begin the process of taking the training wheels off.

\nLet me tell you a <\/i><\/span> story. My daughter, Erin, called me, \u201cdaddy,\u201d with like twelve syllables, until she turned 12 or 13 years old. Somewhere around eighth grade or ninth grade, she just started calling me \u201cdad.\u201d She stopped playing the, \u201cI love you\u201d game that we had been playing ever since she could speak at bedtime. I would chase her up the steps to her bedroom and as I was moving, I would say, \u201cI love you,\u201d and she would say, \u201c I love you more.\u201d I would say, \u201cI love you the most,\u201d and she would say, \u201cI love you the mostest.\u201d I would say, \u201cI love you infinity\u2026\u201d We did this and then we would say night night prayers and I would put butterfly kisses with my lashes on her face. We did all these little things. Then she turned 12 or 13. \\I still remember this particular night that she went to bed and didn’t tell anybody \u201cgood night.\u201d She just went to her room. It was around 11:00am that I asked Robin, <\/i><\/span> \u201cWhere’s Erin?\u201d I hadn\u2019t heard from her since dinner. Certainly, she did not go to bed without telling us goodnight and I love you. That’s a rule, that’s a house rule. So, I go upstairs, her bedroom door is locked. That’s another rule; you are not supposed to lock your door. That means you’re probably up to something you shouldn’t be up to. So, I stuck my thumb nail in and twisted the knob. She’s cut the lights out. She’s asleep. So, I woke her up. \u201cYou forgot to say good night and tell your daddy and mommy that you love us.\u201d She replied with a \u201cHmmph.\u201d Like that’s a new language that you encounter at age 13. It’s got a lot of meaning. So, I did what I always did when she was growing up, I took the covers and put them all up over her head and I put her hands beside her <\/i><\/span> and karate chopped everything around her until she was like a mummy. Then, I pulled the top cover down and then the sheet down and tucked it in under her chin. I kissed her on the cheek and told her that I loved her. She says, \u201cI love you.\u201d I left the room; what in the world has happened to my daughter? Has there been an invasion of the body snatchers? She was like that for several years. She told me later that she was thankful that I kept pursuing her and telling her that I loved her because she loved me. She was going through hormones, stuff at school and who knows what else. What I wanted to do was chew her out and tell her, \u201cYou better love me! What’s wrong with you?\u201d Maybe I did that a few times because she would get on my last nerve. But she needed the opposite <\/i><\/span> of what I was feeling. She needed security, love and encouragement. She was going through a time of disruption in her life. Now, she calls me \u201cdaddy\u201d again. She’s now married with three kids.

\nBe the parent that they need, at the phase that they are in. I know it very well. I’ve given you some general ideas, but every child is different. Pray like crazy that God will give you the keys to your child’s heart. Aim at their heart to know their shape and to know the way they think and feel about things and to speak to them appropriately. The truth is, everything I’ve taught you for three weeks, you can’t do by yourself, But you can \u201cdo all things through Christ who gives us strength.\u201d

\nRemember our first text that we studied a few weeks ago? It was Psalm 127:1-5 (ESV) 1 \u201cUnless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain… 3 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,, <\/i><\/span> the fruit of the womb a reward. 4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. 5 Blessed \nis the man who fills his quiver with them.\u201d So, your children are like arrows. Where do you aim them? Aim at the target; aim them at Jesus. He’s the One who died for them and for us.\nThe truth is, none of us are perfect parents, so we pray like crazy for God’s mercy. If we aim them at Jesus, we can do nothing better than that. Aim them at knowing the Lord and for His help to build your house. Don’t try to build your house on your own power.

\nLet’s pray. Lord, thank You that we can parent our children, knowing that they belong to You, Lord. We are humbled by this instruction. Before we can direct our children to Jesus, we have to know Him ourselves first. Do you know Him? You’re listening to me preach right now. Do you know Jesus as your Lord and Savior ? <\/i><\/span> Do you have His power living within you to help you? It takes a lot of strength. It takes a lot of wisdom. It takes more than we have. Do you have Him? Do you know Him? You can receive Him right now. You can pray with me right now and receive Him. Dear Lord Jesus, I’m a sinner. I need help. I need Your forgiveness. I believe You died on the cross for my sins and that You were raised from the grave. Come and live in me. Make me the person that you want me to be. Make me the mom, the dad, make me the person, the man, the woman that you want me to be. I want You to be my Lord and Savior. Thank you for forgiving my sins and adopting me into Your family so I can call the Lord my Father. If you’re praying that prayer right now, believing, He will save you. You’ll be adopted into God’s family. You’ll have what you need to <\/i><\/span> raise children and to know what God has for your life. Others are here today and you’ve done that. You have the Lord in your life. But as you listen to this message, maybe you felt a little convicted, maybe even a little beat up. You don’t have to, because Jesus died for our sins. He’s forgiven us. So just give it to the Lord. Any place that you feel a shortcoming, just say, Lord help me in this area, have mercy on my kids that I haven’t messed them up. Lord help me to do it the way You would have me do it. I want to raise my children so that they follow You. We pray this all in Jesus’ name. Amen.\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Parents have questions… Practical questions like: How and when should I discipline my child? How do I get them potty trained? And spiritual questions like: When is my child old enough to confess faith in Christ? What about baptism and the Lord\u2019s Supper? How can I be sure that they are saved? In answering these questions, we have God\u2019s Word as our guide, but we must also take into account the child\u2019s level of maturity. Have you noticed that every child is unique? No two are the same. And as they grow, they change. So the parenting style that seemed effective when they were small, doesn\u2019t work when they\u2019re older.<\/p>\n

Godly parents recognize their call to be leaders who make disciples. If we want to be effective, we have to match our parenting style to every child\u2019s situation. In his first letter to the Thessalonians, the apostle Paul told them that he had discipled them like a parent according to their situation, sometimes gentle and affectionate like a mother and sometimes strong like a father in order to release them to live up to God\u2019s calling. We can parent our children following God\u2019s Word to match our child\u2019s situation with a goal of releasing them to the Lord.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"featured_media":9773,"template":"","tags":[2030],"series":[2826],"scripture-book":[1319],"scripture-chapter":[1335],"speaker":[2007],"class_list":["post-9829","message","type-message","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-parenting","series-parenthood","scripture-book-1-thessalonians","scripture-chapter-1335","speaker-gary-combs"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/message\/9829","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/message"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/message"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/message\/9829\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9773"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9829"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9829"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=9829"},{"taxonomy":"scripture-book","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/scripture-book?post=9829"},{"taxonomy":"scripture-chapter","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/scripture-chapter?post=9829"},{"taxonomy":"speaker","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/speaker?post=9829"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}