In families and churches alike, conflict and the need for correction are inevitable. But how we speak the truth, and how we receive it, makes all the difference. Without spiritual preparation, correction can wound instead of heal. We need Christ to shape us into people who can both give and receive correction with grace, truth and love.<\/p>\n
Real peace doesn’t come from avoiding truth, it comes from speaking and hearing it in love, with hearts transformed by Christ. Paul knew that correction was essential for unity in the church, but it had to come from hearts shaped by Christ. In today\u2019s text, he shows us how to prepare our hearts for those challenging, but necessary conversations.<\/p>\n
In the apostle Paul\u2019s letter to the Ephesians, he taught believers how to spiritually prepare themselves to truthfully give and receive correction in unity.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"featured_media":13488,"template":"","meta":{"audio":"https:\/\/wccsermonaudio.s3.us-east-1.amazonaws.com\/07272025.mp3","video-id":"1104933296","notes":"https:\/\/www.eastgate.church\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/2-The-Challenge-of-Communication-Correction-Ephesians-4.17-25-072725.pdf","scripture_reference":"Ephesians 4:17-25","transcript_status":"published","transcript_text":"
Good morning, church. It is good to see all of you this morning. We're in part two of our series we've entitled, \u201cFamily Talk.\u201d We're going through chapter four of the book of Ephesians. As we look at chapter four, I can really see a prescription for the family's communication.<\/p>\n
And when I speak of the family, I'm talking about your house, but I'm also talking about God's house, because we're the family of God. Amen. This communication that Paul's talking about in Ephesians, chapter 4 might be summarized with this theme verse from verse 15, Ephesians 4:15-16 (ESV) 15 \u201cRather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ.\u201d So, this is what we learned last week, that the goal of our communication is oneness, it's unity.<\/p>\n
Now, we think the goal of our communication is to be heard, and that's a partial goal. Maybe, you'll even go farther to a better goal, which is for both of you to be heard and you get a chance to talk and they get a chance to talk, so both parties are heard and really understood. That's a better goal. But , Paul says an even better goal, God's kind of goal, is that as a result of our communication, we become closer so that we become unified in one. The goal of communication is not just to be heard, not just to listen to the other, those are good, <\/p>\n
but to actually grow closer as a result of our communication. That was last week and now this week we're going to talk about one of the challenges to this oneness, one of the challenges of our communication. That is correction, because we're all sinners. Even as believers, we're sinners, saved by grace. We'll make mistakes, we'll miscommunicate and we'll hurt the other.<\/p>\n
So, in order to continue in oneness, it has to be addressed. You can't just overlook it every time. Last week, we learned that there are certain categories that you put up with, but there are other categories we have to address. If we feel an offense, we have to be willing to take the challenge of, \u2018Hey, let's work on this together so that we can be at one.\u2019 Here's the truth:<\/p>\n
Whether it's your house or God's house, conflict is inevitable. It's inevitable; it's going to happen. So, since it's inevitable, we have to make a decision, \u2018Am I willing to love others enough to speak the truth in love?\u2019 What we'll often do is we'll just think, You know, it's just not worth it.<\/p>\n
It's not worth it. So, we don't love that other person enough to really work on the relationship. We'll just decide, I'm just going to be kind to them. I'm just going to not really address it. You know, last week we talked about this, that love without truth is hollow, and truth without love is harsh, <\/p>\n
but truth in love can be healing; it can be transformative. But, it requires both parties to have the right heart position, to be willing to speak in love and to hear in love. The problem that I see with many Christians is confirmed by a recent Barna survey. Barna asked a question about whether people were willing to confront others speaking the truth in love. And one out of four said they just wouldn't do it.<\/p>\n
They would not have difficult conversations. They said it was in the idea of keeping the peace. They would just say, \u2018You know, I just want to keep the peace.\u2019 But is that real peace if you're harboring offense? No, it's not.<\/p>\n
It's not. It's not real peace. Paul challenges this mindset. Real peace doesn't come from avoiding the truth. It comes from speaking the truth in love.<\/p>\n
In the apostle Paul's letter to the Ephesians, he taught believers how to spiritually prepare themselves, so that they could speak the truth in love, confront and correct differences and be corrected as well, and to aim at unity. I believe, as we look at the text today, we can do this through the power of Jesus. The text gives us three heart postures that we can have as we are renewed in our hearts by the Spirit of Christ. So let's look at the text. We're going to be looking for three heart postures that those of us that are in Christ can have as we confront and speak the truth in love.<\/p>\n
We're starting at verse 17 of chapter 4 today. Ephesians 4:17-25 (ESV) 17 \u201cNow this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. 18 They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. 19 They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. 20 But that is not the way you learned Christ!\u2014 21 assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, 22 to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, 23 and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, 24 and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. 25 Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, <\/p>\n
for we are members one of another.\u201d This is God's word, Amen. We're looking for three heart postures for truthfully giving and receiving correction. Here's the first: <\/p>\n
A tender heart. The first heart posture is to have a tender heart that puts off the old self through Christ. You might think of it like this: A tender heart is one who will willingly admit wrong and repent, which means they will.<\/p>\n
say that they're sorry. They'll repent. They'll go the opposite direction.<\/p>\n
They'll say, \u2018I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm going to do it the right way.\u2019 They'll put it off. That's a tender heart.<\/p>\n
Notice what he says in verse 21. This is kind of a key. I think maybe back up to 20, in fact. 20 \u201cBut that is not the way you learned Christ!\u2014 21 assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus,\u201d
\nHe's talking about how the Gentiles are behaving, how they're thinking and their heart condition.<\/p>\n
Then he says, \u2018But that's not the way you speak to believers in Ephesus, but believers here today. Notice, he didn't say that's not how you learned about Christ. 20 But that is not the way you learned Christ! It's very unique language here.<\/p>\n
You've come to know Him and He knows you. You've learned Christ. It's not the way you're not supposed to live. It\u2019s the way the outsiders, the pagans, the Gentiles outside the faith have been living in their heart condition. You're supposed to be different. You've learned Christ, you've learned His heart.<\/p>\n
Then, it's almost like a sarcastic statement in verse 21, \u201cassuming that you have heard about him. It's almost like you have heard about Him, right? You have \u201clearned him;\u201d you've heard about Him. Then, He goes on to say,\u201cand were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus,\u201d Then, He gives you three teachings; those are really kind of like the core of our three heart postures.<\/p>\n
The first teaching He gives you is in verse 22, \u201cto put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires,\u201d (1) To put off your old self. To put off that old heart, that old way of thinking. To put off your old self which belongs to your former manner of life, your old lifestyle, your old mindset, and is corrupt through deceitful desires that always put yourself first. The selfishness of your former life before you came to Christ, you need to put that off like you're putting off your old dirty clothes.<\/p>\n
That's what he says, but let's back up the bus, because we're starting in the centerpiece here. We need to back up and see how Paul begins this conversation <\/p>\n
and where I got the idea of a tender heart. We back it up by seeing how our hearts used to be in our former manner of life. He describes it up here in verse 17, \u201cNow this I say and testify in the Lord,\u201d<\/p>\n
Paul is making a transition now in the text, he's been giving us a lot of propositional truth: Speak the truth in love. We're seeking unity.<\/p>\n
We're growing up to maturity and to the head of the body, which is Christ. This is a very propositional truth. But now, he gives us a prescription. We're moving from propositional truth to prescriptive application. This is how you do it. Okay, now I say, but not just me, but I'm testifying in the Lord, so I have the authority as an authoritative statement.<\/p>\n
The word, \u201ctestify,\u201d is the Greek word, \u201cmarturomai.\u201d It's in the verb form here, \u201cmarturomai.\u201d But it's where we get the word, \u201cmartyr.\u201d It's often translated as \u201cwitness.\u201d I bear witness in the Lord.<\/p>\n
Now, this is important stuff coming. Stop walking the way the Gentiles do and the way you used to. The futility, the emptiness, the vanity of their minds are darkened in the understanding, alienated from the life of God because of ignorance. Then, notice this; <\/p>\n
this is where I got the idea of tenderness of heart due to the hardness of heart. That's how we all used to be. He's not finished. They've become callous. How do you get a calloused heart?<\/p>\n
It's because you've said \u201cno\u201d to God over and over again. You've been saying \u201cno\u201d to God; you've been saying \u201cno\u201d to relationships. In fact, this culture today and people outside the faith, here's what they do \u2013If they get \u201csideways\u201d with somebody, if they're not getting along with them, they say, \u2018I'm just not going to be with them anymore.<\/p>\n
I'm going to write them off. I'm going to divorce them. I'm going to change churches. I'm going to move to a different city.\u2019<\/p>\n
So in our modern pathways, every time we do that, another callous forms. It gets easier and easier to be hard hearted towards God and towards each other.<\/p>\n
But, he says to put that off in verse 22, \u2018put off your former manner of life.\u2019<\/p>\n
He described it before by describing that way. You used to think, stop walking that way, stop living that way. The word, \u201cwalking,\u201d is a Hebraic phrase which means \u201clifestyle.\u201d Stop living that way.<\/p>\n
You used to be selfish. When I'm counseling couples, sometimes one of the things that I feel in my heart, if they could only stop saying \u201cme, me, me\u201d and start saying \u201cwe\u201d and we start aiming at oneness instead of winning the argument. Because if you win the argument, you've put your relationship at risk and so you really haven't won. It requires a tender heart.<\/p>\n
This is what he talks about, this hardness of heart, this calloused heart. The callousness becomes insensible to pain. It becomes apathetic to broken relationships.<\/p>\n
Next, you don't want that heart. God desires a tender heart. Here's how Peter describes it in his letter. He says, 1 Peter 3:8 (ESV) \u201cFinally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.\u201d <\/p>\n
We can pray as David did for this tender heart. We can ask God to examine our hearts. We can put off the old hard heartedness. He writes this in Psalm 139:23-24 (NLT) 23 \u201cSearch me, O God, and know my heart;<\/p>\n
test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24 Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.\u201d David wanted a tender heart. He had a tender heart towards God; here's my heart, Lord. Point it out, point it out.<\/p>\n
We should be like that towards God, but also towards one another in our house and in God's house, because we want unity. And unity requires transparency and tenderness, not hard hearted callousness. My son and I were studying this week. We study every Wednesday. <\/p>\n
We preach the same text at both of our campuses. He's preaching right now and so am I. It's a beautiful thing. We try to think of illustrations that we might share with one another. I have to give him credit.<\/p>\n
This one was his. Now, when he was a boy, he couldn't make his own sandwich. I don't know what it was, but now that he's a grown man, he's become quite the chef. He really is quite the connoisseur. He says to me, \u201cTender hearts <\/p>\n
makes me think of how you tenderize meat. I said, \"It does?\u201d He says, \u201cWhen you tenderize meat, it exposes more of the meat, the surface area, and it gives pathways for seasonings to penetrate.\u201d I said, \u201cWow, you sound really passionate about tenderizing your meat, my son.\u201d<\/p>\n
He says, \u201cYou can put a marinade in there, and it will really go into the meat. Not only do you get a tender result, but you get a more flavorful result.\u201d I said, \u201cOh, that's pretty good. So, if we have tender hearts, we're not just talking about supper right now. The word can penetrate, and it adds seasoning and flavor.<\/p>\n
So, we have the flavor of the gospel in the tender heart.\u201d I said, \u201cOkay, that's pretty good. I might use that Sunday.\u201d So, I was able to. I have another story I'd like to share with you.<\/p>\n
Another illustration. I'm not as proud of this one as I am the first one I just shared. Those who have been going to our church for a while will recognize this story.<\/p>\n
And here's how the story goes. It's a true story. My children were young and on Saturdays, my wife always went grocery shopping and I kept all the kids. At this point, my youngest, my daughter, was around four or five years old, and they're all out playing in the yard, and I'm trying to mow the grass. I've had one of those weeks as a pastor where I didn\u2019t <\/p>\n
even have any time off to mow. So, I told them (and this is back in the day. Explain this to the young people later. I had a thing called an \u201canswering machine.\u201d There were no smartphones.<\/p>\n
There was no internet. We had phones that hung on the wall or on your nightstand. I had an answering machine with a little cassette tape in it. Okay, talk to the young people. Explain it to them later.<\/p>\n
It's in your history books.) So, I told them, \u201cLet the answer machine get it. I'm going to mow, okay?\u2019 I told all three of them, \u201cLook at me. Don't<\/p>\n
answer the phone.\u201d I'm out mowing. I've probably taken three runs. Here comes Erin. \u201cDaddy, someone's on the phone.\u201d<\/p>\n
I said, \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you let the answering machine get it?\u201d She says, \u201cI already picked up.\u201d I started yelling at her<\/p>\n
and I went into the house. I stomp in the house, and I pick up the phone next to my bed. It's on the nightstand.<\/p>\n
I pick it up, and I switch immediately from \u201c I told you not to!\u201d to \u201cHello, this Pastor Gary\u2026\u201d They'd already hung up and so I'm holding the phone and I'm telling her, \u201cI told you not to answer the phone <\/p>\n
and now I don't even know who called. Did you ask who they were?\u201d \u201cNo, I didn't ask who they were.\u201d \u201cI'm sorry, Daddy.\u201d <\/p>\n
I hung up the phone. I said, \u201cWell, maybe the answering machine got part of it.\u201d I hit \u201creplay\u201d and it recorded everything I had said to her. There's this big old man's voice and this little girl's voice going, \u201cI'm sorry, Daddy.\u201d<\/p>\n
I'm looking at her and she's looking at me. I got down on one knee and I said, \u201cI'm sorry, baby. I didn't know what I was doing.\u201d<\/p>\n
That answer machine is not supposed to do that. I feel like the Holy Spirit did something to my answer machine that I needed. I needed a mirror. Men, fathers, husbands. God gave you a bigger body, a lower voice.<\/p>\n
But, Jesus will give you a tender heart to help control it so that you're ready. When confronted with the truth, you'll get tender. You'll get down on one knee and say, \u2018I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, baby.\u2019 <\/p>\n
She puts her hand on my shoulder and says, \u201cIt's okay, Daddy.\u201d She's looking at me like this has never happened before.<\/p>\n
If you want to be like Christ, fathers and mothers, sometimes you have to ask your children to forgive you because you are sinners, saved by grace, too. Are you quick to correct but slow to repent? Ask yourselves before correcting others. Have I put my own pride, anger and hypocrisy before the Lord and put it off so that I'm in the right place to do correction and then pray? Psalm 139:23-24 (NLT) 23 \u201cSearch me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24 Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ask God to give you a tender heart that puts off the old self in Christ. Here's the second heart posture:The first was to have a tender heart. The second is:<\/p>\n
I told you we were looking at these three teachings that you were taught in verse 21. The first one was to put off your old self. Now, in verse 23, he says, 23 \u201cand to be renewed in the spirit of your minds,\u201d This is a unique verb. It's actually in the infinitive case.<\/p>\n
But the put off and the put on. The put ons in verse 24, the put off and the put on, those are Actions, they're actions you can take. But to be an action is that in the Greek? It's the Greek passive. We don't really have an English equivalent.<\/p>\n
It's where the subject can't do the verb, but the subject can allow the verb to happen to them. It's from an external place. The verb is acting on the subject. The subjects are you and I \u2013 put on and put off, but be renewed in the spirit of your mind.<\/p>\n
How can this be done? Well, the Holy Spirit has to do it; the Spirit here is not the Holy Spirit. It's your spirit. It's the spirit of mind.<\/p>\n
What is the spirit of mind? Paul seems to be trying to explain. He's not talking about your brain. He's talking about your heart, yourself, your mindset, your way of thinking. So be renewed in your way of thinking.<\/p>\n
Be renewed in your heart. Now, what's this going to require? It's going to require a teachable heart; a heart that's receptive. A heart that is not just tender, but it will receive correction and not only be corrected, but it will learn.<\/p>\n
It's teachable. It's being renewed, and it's happening constantly here. A teachable heart is an inner renewal. It's not something we do, but it's something God does in us.<\/p>\n
But what's our part? To be or to yield? I remember the part where Paul was walking on the road to Damascus to persecute the Christians in Damascus. He's on the road there, the Lord Jesus appears to him and he's blinded by a light, and Jesus says, (Paul is actually Saul, because that was before He changed his name.) <\/p>\n
\u201dSaul, why do you kick against the goads?\u201d A goad is a sharpened stick that sheepherders use to prod their sheep along. \u2018Paul, why do you kick against my prodding?\u2019 You should have a teachable heart. A teachable heart doesn't kick against correction.<\/p>\n
It says, \u2018You know what? You're right. I was wrong. I need to make a change in that area.\u2019 That's what a renewed heart does.<\/p>\n
That's what a teachable heart does. Correction without renewal will lead to defensiveness <\/p>\n
but, a mind that's being renewed delights in the truth. That's 1 Corinthians, chapter 13, \u201cLove delights in the truth.\u201d A loving heart, a heart that speaks the truth in love, also receives the truth in love. Instead of being defensive, it delights in the truth.<\/p>\n
If you're the recipient of correction, listen, that's going to be your job at least half the time for some of us. Most of the time depends on where you're at in your walk, right?<\/p>\n
Put on a teachable heart. Put it on. Put off your old, hard heart, calloused heart, and allow yourself to be renewed. Allow yourself to be corrected by God, by the Holy Spirit, but also by your brothers and sisters in Christ<\/p>\n
and when you feel that defensiveness, it'll feel like heat. It'll feel kind of like the heat of anger and you'll feel it coming up from your chest, from your heart, and then you feel your neck turn red, then you'll feel your ears turn red, and then, all of a sudden your mouth will just \u201cvomit\u201d out stuff you shouldn't be saying. It's defensive. If you're going to hurt me, I'm going to hurt you back, or I'm going to defend myself and tell you why what you're correcting here didn't really happen that way, or what I really meant.<\/p>\n
Having a teachable heart, you would say, \u2018Holy Spirit, help me to be quiet and let them finish saying what they're saying to me and tell me what part of what they're saying to me is true and what part is their emotion, because they're not perfect either. Because if they love me and I love them, we're seeking oneness.\u2019<\/p>\n
Do you know what? You're right.<\/p>\n
I see what you're saying. I'm sorry. Will you forgive me? I don't want to do that again. I'm sorry that I hurt you. That requires a teachable heart.<\/p>\n
You have to have a teachable heart. You must have a renewed heart. Paul talks about it later in the book of Romans in chapter 12. He says, Romans 12:2 (ESV) \u201cDo not be conformed to this world, <\/p>\n
(That's your old way of thinking.) but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.\u201d Have you got a transformed mind, a transformed heart, a transformed mindset that's teachable <\/p>\n
or are you defensive?<\/p>\n
The book of Proverbs talks about correcting, Proverbs 9:8-9 (NLT) 8 So don\u2019t bother correcting mockers; they will only hate you. But correct the wise, and they will love you. 9 Instruct the wise, and they will be even wiser. Teach the righteous, and they will learn even more. If you correct someone who's wise, they're receptive. But if you correct someone who's not a believer or someone who's very immature, you'll find a different result. In Proverbs, it says, 8 \u201cSo don't bother correcting mockers;\u201d A mocker is someone who just makes fun and they say hateful things to you and it's probably an unbeliever. And if you try to correct them and try to build something there, it probably won't lead where you want it to because they're not reciprocating.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo don't bother correcting mockers. They will only hate you. But correct the wise and they will love you. Instruct the wise and they'll be even wiser. Teach the righteous and they will learn even more.\u201d So, among believers in your house and in the house of God, we should be able to speak the truth in love and grow closer together as a result<\/p>\n
if we have a tender heart and if we have a teachable heart. In the Book of Acts, chapter 18, we were introduced to a man from Alexandria, Egypt. He was a Jew by background, but he had come to faith in Jesus. His name was Apollos.<\/p>\n
Apollos was from Alexandria and it says he was an eloquent speaker. He refuted the Jews in the synagogues, talking about the way of Jesus. But he had a few faulty parts in his doctrine and in his teaching. Chapter 18 describes this. Paul had planted the church in Ephesus. He's moved on now, but he's left behind his fellow tent makers.<\/p>\n
They were from Rome, Priscilla and Aquila and they'd been partners in Corinth, but now they're in Ephesus and he brought them with him. Now, he's left them because that's what Paul does. He's always on the move. So, here's Priscilla and Aquila and they hear Apollos\u2019 teaching. They're saying, \u2018Man, he's really good, but he's still preaching the baptism of John the Baptist.<\/p>\n
He hasn't heard about the baptism of Jesus and how He gives you the Holy Spirit.\u2019 He was an awesome teacher, but he didn't have the whole doctrine. So, they got him off to the side, it says in the book of Acts and talk to him Now, it could have gone either way, right? He's this fantastic preacher.<\/p>\n
He had a great following, but he only had a partial doctrine. He could have been hard hearted and he could have been unteachable, but the scripture says he was teachable. They taught him and said to him, \u2018Hey, you didn't know about the baptism of Jesus. You're still teaching about John the Baptist. We've moved on from that.\u2019<\/p>\n
He says, \u2018Really?\u2019 He's like taking notes, right? He's learning. Then, he says to the church there, he says, \u2018Well, I want to go Preach to Achaia,\u2019 and they helped him raise funds, laid hands on him and sent him.<\/p>\n
The man was not only faithful, he was teachable. He was teachable and they could trust him. Are you teachable or defensive when correction comes your way? Are you tender hearted and teachable? You cannot speak or receive correction rightly if you're unteachable yourself. A renewed heart, a renewed mind yields a tender heart, and it yields a teachable heart.<\/p>\n
It's a truthful heart, a truthful heart that is put on the new self in Christ and put off the old self. To be renewed in the spirit of your mind in Christ and now putting on the new self. This is the third heart posture, a truthful heart. In verse 24, it's the third teaching that we are taught in the truth of Christ and to put on the new self. Verse 24 says, <\/p>\n
24 \u201cand to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.\u201d Put that on. \u201cTo put on\u201d has a background in putting on clothing. Putting on clothing, like putting on righteousness, put on holiness, put on love.<\/p>\n
Then verse 25 says, 25 \u201cTherefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.\u201d Therefore, having put away, having put off falsehood\u2026 Literally, I think the King James version actually says, \u201chaving put away lying, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members, one of another.\u201d What are we aimed at? It is oneness.<\/p>\n
We're aimed at oneness. That's the goal of our communication. So, stop lying and start \u201ctruthing\u201d is the idea. Start telling the truth, but do it in love. Put on this new way, this new heart posture of a truthful heart that puts on a new self in Christ, because we're members of one another.<\/p>\n
If we look at the book of Zechariah, it says it like this, Zechariah 8:16 (ESV) \u201cThese are the things that you shall do: Speak the truth to one another; render in your gates judgments that are true and make for peace.\u201d <\/p>\n
The truth has to be spoken for peace to be real.<\/p>\n
But, let me remind you of what we learned last week: \u201cTruth without love is harsh. Love without truth is hollow. But, truth in love can be healing.\u201d It can be transformative when both parties are being renewed in their heart.<\/p>\n
Now, it does require both parties, but that's what we're after, church, at our house and at God's house. In Colossians, Paul talks about it. He says, Colossians 3:9-10 (ESV) 9 \u201cDo not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.\u201d So, this idea is to \u201cput off\u201d and \u201cput on.\u201d It reminds me that we need help to \u201cput off\u201d and \u201cput on,\u201d<\/p>\n
to \u201cput off\u201d the old life and to \u201cput on\u201d the new as if it were like clothing. I'm reminded that when Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead (you remember the story), Lazarus had been laying in the tomb for over three days. It was on the fourth day, that Jesus says, \u201cLazarus, come forth\u201d<\/p>\n
and Lazarus comes forth. And he comes forth dressed kind of like a mummy. He's wrapped in grave clothes. What's the next sentence that Jesus speaks? Is it an instruction to Lazarus?<\/p>\n
No, it's an instruction to those around Lazarus. \u201cLazarus come forth\u201d and Lazarus comes forth. Then, Jesus goes to the crowd and says, \u201cTake off his grave clothes and let him go.\u201d They needed help getting off their \u201cstinking thinking,\u201d getting off this old way of life, this old mindset.<\/p>\n
They needed a mirror. We are mirrors, one to the other. By the way, if you're a parent, your children are really good mirrors, <\/p>\n
which is why, when my children were growing up and they did something wrong, I'd always say, \u201cRobin, she's just like you.\u201d Robin would say, \u201cHe's more like you.\u201d<\/p>\n
They are like mirrors and so are the fellow members of your house and of God's house. We look in the mirror of one another and we see a reflection. We should be tender hearted, teachable, have teachable hearts, and be truthful with one another and with ourselves.<\/p>\n
Now, when I say to stop lying, you might be thinking you're doing pretty good at that. But let's examine some of your communication techniques. I don't have time to go very deep here, but just a couple. Let me mention a couple. When we're having a confrontation and we're arguing, sometimes we're tempted to use hyperbole to overstate a point in order to win.<\/p>\n
That hyperbole is a fancy word for lying. You exaggerate the thing, okay, you overstate it or whatever. So you might say that maybe the problem is your wife is the one who's always making the bed and she wants to bring that to your attention because she feels like that's unfair. So, she says to you, \u201cYou never make the bed. I always have to make the bed.<\/p>\n
Why don't you help me around here?\u201d Here's what the husband will do, Ladies, in case you don't know how men's minds work. They immediately remember that last year, on October 22nd, they made the bed. They say, \u2018Now, wait a minute. You say, I never make the bed. I've made the bed.<\/p>\n
I remember the day I did it. It was that day that you had all four of your wisdom teeth pulled out. Now, we're in an argument about \u201cnever\u201d and \u201calways.\u201d We're not even talking about the bed now. We're talking about word choice.<\/p>\n
You're laughing. Do you know why you're laughing? It is because that's what you're doing and you are<\/p>\n
lying. \u201cNever say never and always avoid always\u201d if you're trying to win unity. Here's another tip: When you start the sentence with \u201cyou,\u201d it's like poking them in the chest with your finger.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou never\u2026\u201d \u201cYou always\u2026\u201d What if you did this? What if you started with the word, \u201cI?\u201d because, by the way, when you say \u201cyou,\u201d you don't know what's in their heart.<\/p>\n
God looks on the outward appearance, but God looks on the heart. We see this in the scripture of 1 Samuel. That's the truth. You don't know what's in their heart. So stop starting with you.<\/p>\n
You start with \u201cI\u201d and say \u201cI feel.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI feel unappreciated that I make the bed every day. Most days I don't feel appreciated and it makes me feel hurt.\u201d So, you've done these \u201cI\u201d statements and these \u201cme\u201d statements. You haven't said \u201cyou\u201d yet.<\/p>\n
With most husbands, this activates a different part of their heart. They don't feel accused. They feel like they have let someone down. They feel like they didn't do their job as a protector and a provider, which if they have a renewed heart, that's what they're starting to grow in. <\/p>\n
\u201cI'm sorry.\u201d They don't even start arguing. You started off just being real. Yeah, but that's awfully transparent. I know. It's called \u201ctruth telling.\u201d Truth is transparency about what's really going on in your heart because that's the only heart you're an expert on.<\/p>\n
You don't know what's in his heart. He doesn't know what's in your heart. But you know what's in your heart. So be real with that, be truthful with that. Yeah, but I'm hanging my heart out there.<\/p>\n
Well, you're being tender hearted, right? You're the one who's doing the confrontation. This is what Paul's challenging us to do, because he wants oneness. He wants us to grow closer together with one another and closer to God, <\/p>\n
because it grieves the Holy Spirit when we are not at one with one another. It grieves Him. It does. Here's a challenge: Are you being truthful with one another?<\/p>\n
Here's another challenge; ask yourself this question: Am I a safe person to receive correction, or does everybody know that dude's a \u2018know it all?\u2019 If you try to tell him something, he's got a thousand reasons to defend himself why he was right.<\/p>\n
Are you pointing to someone nearby? Are you thinking to yourself, Am I a safe person to bring correction to, or am I intimidating? I'm always fighting back. Do I have a tender heart?<\/p>\n
Do I have a teachable heart?<\/p>\n
Do I play nice with others, but behind their back, I talk and gossip about them? That's a lying heart.<\/p>\n
What kind of heart do you have? Speak the truth in love.<\/p>\n
\u201cTruth without love is harsh. Love without truth is hollow. Speaking the truth in love can be healing and transformative.\u201d We need the Holy Spirit for us and for the \u201cone anothers,\u201d so that both of us are coming transparently with tender, teachable, truthful hearts and on the other side of confrontation. A lot of us avoid it; but it can be deeper unity than you've ever had before.<\/p>\n
This is the promise of the Word. This is the promise of the Lord, Who's teaching us how to be at one. But, it requires a new heart. Do you want a teachable, truthful, tender heart? You need the heart of Christ.<\/p>\n
Do you have it? Do you know Jesus? Let's pray. Lord, thank You for Your word. I pray, first of all, for the one that's here this morning.<\/p>\n
You've never surrendered your heart to Jesus. You don't have a renewed heart. You have a hard heart. If you really examine your relationships, you might already be leaving a trail of broken relationships behind.<\/p>\n
Let's come to the Lord right now and say, \u201cLord, I'm sorry. I repent. I turn from my sin and from my callousness.<\/p>\n
You're breaking my heart for You now, today, Lord. I'm listening. I believe You died for me, Lord Jesus, on the cross and that you were raised from the grave. Come and live in me. Give me a new heart, a tender heart, a teachable heart and a transparent and true heart.<\/p>\n
Lord, give me a heart like Yours. Lord, I surrender my life to You. I want to follow you all the days of my life.\u201d If you're giving your life to Jesus, right now. He'll save you.<\/p>\n
He'll adopt you into the family. You'll become a child of God. He'll give you eternal life.<\/p>\n
Pray that to Him, by faith. Others are here and you're a follower of Jesus. He's given you a new heart, but I want to pray with you right now for that heart. Holy Spirit, would you put faces before our people right now of those that we're not in unity with? Is it a spouse?<\/p>\n
Is it a child? Is it a parent? Is it a neighbor? Is it a co-worker or a friend?<\/p>\n
Oh, I don't want to talk to him. I don't want to work on it right now. Holy Spirit, thank you for showing us who You want us to talk to, who You want us to be tender towards and be right with. Now, give us the courage to face the challenge of deeper unity with that person. Empower us, renew our hearts, in Jesus\u2019 name. Amen.<\/p>\n","footnotes":""},"tags":[2460,2440],"series":[2974],"scripture-book":[1316],"scripture-chapter":[1337],"speaker":[2007],"class_list":["post-13487","message","type-message","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-communication","tag-conflict","series-family-talk","scripture-book-ephesians","scripture-chapter-1337","speaker-gary-combs"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/message\/13487","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/message"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/message"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/message\/13487\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13489,"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/message\/13487\/revisions\/13489"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/13488"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13487"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13487"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=13487"},{"taxonomy":"scripture-book","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/scripture-book?post=13487"},{"taxonomy":"scripture-chapter","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/scripture-chapter?post=13487"},{"taxonomy":"speaker","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/speaker?post=13487"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}