{"id":11648,"date":"2023-07-30T08:41:27","date_gmt":"2023-07-30T12:41:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/?post_type=message&p=11648"},"modified":"2023-08-10T08:44:24","modified_gmt":"2023-08-10T12:44:24","slug":"releasing-your-children-to-the-lord","status":"publish","type":"message","link":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/message\/releasing-your-children-to-the-lord","title":{"rendered":"Releasing Your Children to the Lord"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Below is an automated transcript of this message<\/h3>\n\n\n\n Good <\/i><\/span> morning church! We want to welcome you here in our worship center today and also next door in our gathering place. We welcome you, as well,on our online audience as well. We’re happy to have all of you present with us this morning.

We’re concluding our series, \u201cThe Three R\u2019s of Parenting,\u201d today. Over the last three Sundays, we’ve talked about how we are to receive our Children as a gift from the Lord, that we’re to raise them up in the Lord. Today, we’ll talk about how we’re to release them to the Lord, we send them out to the Lord. I thought it would be a perfect Sunday to have our own Christa Jenkins give a word of testimony about her recent mission trip.

(Christa Jenkins gives a mission report from Albania during this segment of the service. Refer to the video for her report.)

I thought it was appropriate to have Christa give this missions report today because we’re talking this <\/i><\/span> morning about releasing our children to the Lord today; the idea of the One who entrusted them to us.

We have this temporary stewardship. Our job is representing the Lord to them, raising them up in the Lord and then releasing them back to Him. I thought, what a better story than from one of our own young women who grew up in our church, really like a daughter of us as a family, as a church family, as we hear how she has been released to the Lord and followed the Lord.

I’ve asked many of you, over the past few Sundays, to help me with my humorous introduction. A sense of humor is pretty critical to being a parent, don’t you agree? You need a sense of humor to be a parent. You have been helping me with my parenting memes, so, here\u2019s some new ones. I’ve got <\/i><\/span> a few here for your enjoyment.

(Funny parenting memes on the screen. Refer to this week\u2019s video.)

It is good to have a sense of humor, but the truth is, parenting is no laughing matter. It’s serious. It’s very serious. It’s one of the most profoundly important jobs that we ever do. I’ve found that parents through the years ask a lot of questions about parenting. As a father, as a grandfather, as a pastor of 31 years, I’ve heard a lot of questions about parenting. I hear questions like this: When or how should I discipline my child? How old should they be when I start? At what age should they be potty trained? I hear these kinds of questions. Then, I hear more spiritually profound questions like: When can I talk to them about making a statement of faith for Jesus, making a stand for Jesus? When’s the right age for that? How do I talk to them about that? These are profound questions. In answering these kinds of <\/i><\/span> questions, we need help. Parents will sometimes say to me, \u2018I wish my child would have come with an owner’s manual.\u2019 I want to say to every parent, every grandparent, every uncle and every aunt that they do come with an owner’s manual. It’s God’s word. As parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts,that’s the place where we go for the content to teach them.

Do you know what’s really important that we sometimes overlook? It\u2019s not just what we put into them, but to know them, to spend time knowing them, recognizing what level of maturity they are at, so that you match your parenting style to where they’re at; your teaching style to where they’re at. And, This requires, really, a great relationship with them. You have to really know them, in order for this to happen. You could say,on <\/i><\/span> average, that one children of a certain age can hear a kind of teaching, but you have to recognize that it might not be true for another child. If you have two Children, you find out that this other child is completely different; it\u2019s the same if you have three or more children. They’re all different. I don’t really think God does \u201cencores.\u201d He keeps doing something new with every child. If you’ve had more than one child, they’re all different. What works with one might not work with the other. We really need God’s grace. May I say to you, as we’ve gone through this series, this parenting series, I don’t want it to come across in a legalistic sense. God does give us guidelines. He gives us helpful commands and warnings about parenting, but you can’t do any of them without the grace and the power of the Holy Spirit . <\/i><\/span> To carry them out as a parent, you really need to, first of all, make sure that God is your Father, that you’re a child of God and that you have the Holy Spirit living in you through belief in Jesus. I don’t want anything that we’ve been teaching for the last three weeks to make you feel condemned or to make you feel guilty other than what the Holy Spirit is saying to you. I want to correct you here, but I don’t want you to leave and think, Oh, well. It’s too late for me. I’m a grandparent now and apparently I blew the whole thing. That’s not the purpose of this series. Maybe, you are a parent and you’re in the middle of it. You may think, I wish I would have known this sooner. Is it too late? No. It’s never too late.

Here’s what I would say to you: God’s word always helps us. God’s word always encourages and builds us up, but you can’t do it <\/i><\/span> without God’s grace. There are no perfect parents but One and that’s the Father in heaven. We need God’s grace. We need God’s forgiveness.

The prayer that my wife and I used to pray most often over our children was, \u201cGod, please don’t let us mess these kids up. Give us grace and help us Lord.\u201d

As we look at the text today, I want us to look at three different parenting styles that we can follow according to God’s word, based on the situation and the child in their level of maturity. We’re going to be looking at I Thessalonians 2. The apostle Paul was talking about how he was discipling new believers. He was talking about people he had shared the gospel with and how he’s bringing them up. He describes the way He related to them as being like a mother to them, like a father to them. Then, he gives three verbs to describing the three ways or the three styles of <\/i><\/span> parenting, of leadership, that he had followed. We’re gonna be looking for those three parenting styles.

1 Thessalonians 2:7-12 (ESV) 7 \u201cBut we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. 8 So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us. 9 For you remember, brothers, our labor and toil: we worked night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you, while we proclaimed to you the gospel of God. 10 You are witnesses, and God also, how holy and righteous and blameless was our conduct toward you believers. 11 For you know how, like a father with his children, 12 we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into his own <\/i><\/span> kingdom and glory.\u201d This is God’s word, Amen.

How to Release Your Child to the Lord:

1. Show and Tell when they are young.

I want you to look at verse 12; that last verse I read. Paul uses three verbs there to talk about the way he fathered, the way he parented. He says, \u201cWe exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you\u2026\u201d Let’s \u201cunpack\u201d those three words. We’ll start with the word, \u201cexhorted.\u201d The Greek word, parakalountes, begins with a prefix. It’s a compound word. You probably won’t use this word anywhere in your life tomorrow. We use that in English today as a prefix\u2013 \u201cparagraph,\u201d \u201cparallel.\u201d It means \u201cbeside of,\u201d \u201cto come alongside.\u201d If you see that prefix, it softens the <\/i><\/span> verb in the sense that this is something you’re going to do beside your child and you’re going to come alongside them.

In fact, the Greek word that’s translated, \u201ccomforter\u201d or \u201chelper\u201d is talking about the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is the \u201cparaclete.\u201d You’ll see that word, \u201cparaclete.\u201d He’s the one called alongside us.

Paul is using this word here, \u201cexhort,\u201d which could mean \u201cto besiege\u201d or \u201cto admonish.\u201d It literally means \u201cto call the child alongside you, so you can show them and tell them how to live, how to think and what to do.\u201d You have to teach them how to use the bathroom. You have to teach them how to tie their shoes, you have to teach them what to call you and how to respond to you. You have to decide if you’re going to teach them manners or not. You have to teach them how to hold a fork and how to hold a spoon. This is the season of \u201cshow and <\/i><\/span> tell.\u201d This is the season where you’re laying the foundation, where the primary responsibility we talked about this last week is to teach them obedience, to teach them that you’re the father, you’re the mother and they are to do what you say. If you lay this foundation at this age, which I would say is primarily 0 to 5 or 6 years of age, you’ll never regret it because you’ll be building on it in the future. You’ll be growing them through other phases.

The mistake I see young parents make is they try to be their two year old\u2019s \u201cbuddy.\u201d They try to be friends. They’re teaching their two year old how to be a little attorney. Now, honey, if you don’t finish your food, you won’t grow up to be big and strong. You can’t have this cookie until you finish your food. You’re reasoning with them; it\u2019s <\/i><\/span>not the right age. It’s the right age, the appropriate age to teach them to obey. There’s an older age where you learn to reason with them, but this is not the right phase. You’re laying the foundation for teaching them obedience. You do it, first of all, by giving them a good example.

Look at what he says over in verses seven and nine. He first talks about how they were gentle. 7 \u201cBut we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children.\u201d I was like a nursing mother. Can you imagine the apostle Paul describing himself like a nursing mother? We were like a nursing mother; we were so affectionate with you.

This is the season where it’s \u201chigh relationship\u201d and \u201chigh direction.\u201d Verses 8 & 9 \u201cSo, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share withyou <\/i><\/span>, not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us. 9 For you remember, brothers, our labor and toil: we worked night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you,\u201d Literally in the Greek, \u201cour own souls.\u201d We were very intimate with you. We were very transparent with you. We were vulnerable with you.

This is the season for the child to learn that you love them and that to obey you is the way they show you that they’re loving you back. This is the high obedience season and it’s a lot of work because we’re all born with the sin gene. We’re all born with the \u201cbends.\u201d We all tend to \u201cbend\u201d towards sin, but our job, as parents, is to help shape the heart towards God and towards obedience. You’re standing in between God and the child during this phase; you’re raising them up. You’re God’s representative, daddy and mommy, for teaching them to obey. You will help them later to obey the Lord. You do it by example and you do it by love and discipline.

Paul says this in Philippians 3:17 (NLT) \u201c…pattern your lives after mine, and <\/i><\/span> and learn from those who follow our example.\u201d\nDo as I do, not just do as I say, but do as I do and then you love them through discipline.

1 Corinthians 4:21 (ESV) \u201cWhat do you wish? Shall I come to you with a rod, or with love in a spirit of gentleness?\u201d This is the season of discipline. Some would ask, ‘How do I know if my child is old enough to discipline?\u2019 You’ll know whenever they resist your direction and when they’re old enough to understand.

(Chart on screen) I want to put this chart up to describe the way a child progresses to maturity in their thinking and their ability to handle information. These are average ages; every child is unique. But on average, you’ll notice that children start out with very concrete thinking so that they’re very literal in their thinking. As they mature, they’re able to understand abstract principles and they understand spiritual <\/i><\/span> things more as they’re aging. Ages 0 to 5 are when you’re to teach them right and wrong. You’re to teach them the rules and you’re to teach them in very concrete ways, in very specific literal ways. That’s the season that we’re talking about right now.

Next, I would say that this \u201crelationship\u201d age group, from 6 to 10 years old, is the sweetest time for a parent if you’ve already taught them to obey. If you haven’t done this, though, it is not necessarily that sweet. At this age group, they already know how to use the bathroom, they already know how to tie their shoes, they’ve already started school and they’re growing. They’re starting to ask you interesting questions and they’re growing in abstract <\/i><\/span> thinking.

It is at this age group when most kids are ready to make a decision to follow Jesus. It’s a very critical season; they’re growing in abstract thinking. Now, they understand that the Bible stories have implications for them. It’s not just a story, but it’s something that means something to them. It\u2019s a critical season.

Season 11 to 13 years old is where they start reasoning. They start asking, \u2018Now, wait a minute. You told me that Jesus did this, but you also told me this other thing about Santa Claus.\u2019 They start questioning if everything that we have told them is true. They’re starting to reason for themselves. This is the season where parenting gets different kinds of challenges.

At phase 14 to 18 years old, they begin to resolve their own opinions and their own matters of faith and conscience. They begin <\/i><\/span> to now become a person who’s not just believing and doing because you told them to, but because they now believe it.

Some years ago, I was a district manager for a large corporation and we used to do these annual leadership training sessions. One of the training sessions that we took was called \u201csituational leadership.\u201d The idea was when you first get a new employee, they don’t know anything. You have to teach them everything. So you have to use the \u201cshow and tell\u201d kind of approach. You have to teach them. Then, there’s all these different phases, which I’m going to share with you in just a minute.

Some years ago, I thought, You know, that would work for parenting. Maybe, I should write a book <\/i><\/span> called \u201cSituational Parenting.\u201d I did some research to see if anybody else had thought of this and, sure enough, somebody already thought of it. This is a book, written by Ron Campbell, and it’s out of print, but you can still get used copies if you go on Amazon. I looked over the weekend and used copies are still available. It’s the book that I’m borrowing this diagram from (diagram on screen). The writing in red is what I would have done if I would have written the book. He’s writing more for a secular audience, but I’m writing to you. (Refer to the diagram for this next segment. Go to Gary\u2019s blog site. He wrote an article about it this week.)

Ephesians 6:1-2 (ESV) \u201cChildren, obey your parents in the Lord… \u201cHonor your father and mother.\u201d We have these two words, \u201cobey\u201d and \u201chonor.\u201d (Refer back to the diagram.)

Here’s what <\/i><\/span> Ginger Plowman says in her book, \u201cDon’t Make Me Count To Three,\u201d \u201cSet the standard of obedience. We should expect instant obedience from our children. Teach them that God wants them to obey all the way, right away and with a happy heart.\u201d Wouldn’t that be awesome if you could teach your child this from ages 0 to 6? That’s what you’re trying to teach them, recognizing the whole time that it\u2019s going to be a lot of work.

When is your child old enough to discipline? Dr. Tedd Tripp, in his book, \u201cShepherding Your Child\u2019s Heart,\u201d says this, \u201cWhen your child is old enough to resist your directives, he is old enough to be disciplined.\u201d One of the mistakes that a lot of parents make, including me, is that you get confused about when to discipline them. <\/i><\/span> Sometimes we discipline them because they’ve irritated us and that’s not necessarily the right time to discipline. I used to get upset because one of my children spilled a drink. I would just raise my voice to them or even spank them if it seemed like they had done it for the third time, which sometimes happened. Be careful about disciplining childishness. Sometimes when a child is very small and they have those little fat fingers, they’re not very coordinated. I would often make mistakes as a young parent, a young father with young children where I would discipline childishness, childish behavior.

When do you discipline? When they resist your directive. When you tell them not to do something and they look you in the eyes and they do it anyway. That’s when the <\/i><\/span> hard work begins, to challenge the child, to shape the heart and to discipline them. You’re God’s representative. It’s your season to \u201cshow and tell.\u201d

We were working on that first word, \u201cexhorted,\u201d which means \u201cto come alongside\u201d and to \u201cshow and tell\u201d them what to do. Here’s the second word:

2. Coach and Encourage as they grow.

Verse 12, \u201cWe exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God,\u201d We see the word, \u201cencouraged;\u201d we get this from the word, \u201ccoach.\u201d \u201cCoach\u201d and \u201cencourage\u201d as they grow. It’s another Greek word that has the, the prefix \u201cpara;\u201d which means it’s very relational, except here it means to encourage, to comfort, to console or to admonish. It’s still very relational, but now that you’ve taught them some stuff, you’re encouraging them to do what you’ve taught them and grow in proficiency and competency in those things. You’ve taught them; you have given them more jobs around the house. You havetaught<\/i><\/span> them how e make their bed, pick up their clothes and put their toys back in the toy bin. You’re now releasing a little bit of authority to them, to do certain things in their room and in the house. They’re still learning so they’re going to make mistakes, so you’re in a \u201ccoaching mode\u201d here. You are in an encouraging coaching mode with them.

Notice in verse 12, the word, \u201cencouraged,\u201d has this idea that it is a combination with these other tools. This is the season where children need that encouragement. As I said earlier, this is kind of a fun season for parents.

I’ve talked about this before, but on Saturday mornings back <\/i><\/span> in the day when we first planted this church. I would go to the office that we were renting over on Tarboro Street at the Miller Office Building. Many of you that have been going to our church for years remember the old Miller Office Building that our church office used to be in when we were portable. I would go in on Saturdays to do some final preparation for the sermon and to do some different things around the office. I would usually take one of my kids. It started with Stephen, my oldest. The kids would be upstairs playing, early on a Saturday morning, and I would yell up the steps, \u201cHey, Stephen, do you want to go with daddy?\u201d When he was in this 6 to 10 year old phase, when kids are fun, he would say, \u201cYes!\u201d and he would come running down the stairs. Then, somewhere around probably 10 to 12 year old phase I would ask, \u201cHey, Stephen, do you want to go with daddy <\/i><\/span>?\u201d He would ask, \u201cWhere are you going?\u201d It mattered where we were going. Is daddy going to make me work? So, here’s what I would do. I wouldn’t even answer his question. I would ask, \u201cHey, Jonathan, do you want to go with daddy?\u201d Jonathan would say, \u201cYes!\u201d and then he hit that age, where he would ask, \u201cWhere are you going?\u201d I would then ask, \u201cHey, Erin, do you want to go with daddy?\u201d and she would say, \u201cYes!\u201d Erin was my \u201csecretary\u201d for a long time on Saturday mornings. I taught her how to answer the phone at the church office. In those days, we were Wilson Community Church before we opened up our second site in Rocky Mount and we changed our name <\/i><\/span>to Eastgate. When she wasn\u2019t answering the phone, she would dust and vacuum while I worked on some things in the office. I would pay her a little bit of money and we would always get a drink and some kind of candy bar or whatever she wanted. This went on for a long time on Saturdays until we hired my wife to be our full- time secretary for the church. She was so mad at her mama when that happened. She told my wife, \u201cYou took my job, Mama!\u201d

This is the season where children want to be with you. They won’t even ask <\/i><\/span>, \u201cWhere are you going?\u201d They just want to be with you. It’s a sweet season. You’re teaching them; you’re encouraging them to grow in the Lord.

Verse 10, \u201cYou are witnesses, and God also, how holy and righteous and blameless was our conduct toward you believers.\u201d You’re giving your children the Godly example. This is the season where it says in Colossians 3:21 (ESV) \u201cFathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.\u201d This is the season where you give high encouragement. In fact, in this season, it’s high obedience and high honor. You’re really putting all you have into them in this season.

Hebrews 10:24 (GW) \u201cWe must also consider how to encourage each other to show love and to do good things.\u201d This is that 7-12 year age group. (Parenting style graph is shown on the screen.) I’m using the same parenting style graph and this is the quadrant I’m talking about. It’s the situation , <\/i><\/span> which is about persuading, explaining, coaching and encouraging. It is the 7 to 12 year old group; it\u2019s a fun age for parents. If you’ve taught them to obey when they were in the 0 to 6 age group, it’s not necessarily fun any time if you haven’t taught them that. But, as I was saying before, this is a good season for parenting.

It’s also the season where, if you interview believers nationally and you ask them, \u201cHow old were you when you made a decision to follow Jesus?\u201d Something like 70% of believers say that they were somewhere under the age of 12. Most will say between the ages of eight and twelve. Did you know that this is the most highly spiritually receptive period for a child? They’re beginning to think more and more about abstract things, spiritual things and they’re starting to put together the stories you’ve told them from the Bible and the implications for their hearts. They’ll start asking you questions.

We used to do \u201cnight night\u201d prayers <\/i><\/span> with our kids. My wife and I would take turns and it was my night to do the boys first and she would come in second. So, I went into the boys room. Stephen and Jonathan were in \u201ccaptain’s quarters\u201d bunk beds in those days. I prayed with them and they would always ask for a story. So, I told him a story about my dad. I told them that when I was eight years old, my dad got cancer and the Lord took him home. He was only 39 years old and it was really hard on me. My dad used to say to me, \u201cGary, you\u2019ve got to be the man of the house when I’m gone.\u201d He used to say that before he’d go to work every day. The last words my dad said to me before the Lord took him home was, as he put his arm around me, \u201cGary, you’re the <\/i><\/span> man of the house now. You’re the oldest. You take care of your mama and your little brother.\u201d I told that story to my boys. I told them that I really want them to meet my dad someday; he is going to love them. So, I was just talking to them about the story of my dad. I told them that when we go to heaven someday, they are going to meet my dad and you are his grandsons. After that, we prayed and I went downstairs. I thought everything was cool. Then, Robin goes next to pray with them. In a moment, she comes downstairs and says, \u201cYou need to go back upstairs.\u201d I said, \u201cWhy?\u201d She tells me, \u201cStephen won’t calm down. He’s crying his eyes out.\u201d He was five years old; he was little, but I guess farther on the spiritual receptivity thing. He was always a \u201cheart\u201d kid; he <\/i><\/span> was really sensitive. So, I said, \u201cOk, he wasn’t crying when I left.\u201d Robin said back to me, \u201cWell, he’s crying now. He’s afraid you’re going to die and then he’s afraid he’s going to die.\u201d Maybe I shouldn’t have told that story; I don’t know. I go back upstairs and talk to him. Long story short, I began to explain to him that we don’t have to be afraid of death. These were heavy concepts for a five year old. His little brother, Jonathan, was just sitting there with his eyes big; he’s only two years old. I began to explain to Stephen that, if you trust Jesus as your Lord and Savior, you never have to be afraid of death because you live for eternity. I said, \u201cHave you ever given your life to Jesus? Do you know what sin is?\u201d He says to me, \u201cSin is when you do something wrong.\u201d I said , <\/i><\/span> \u201cThat’s right.\u201d I said, \u201cWould you like to give your life to the Lord? Do you believe that He died on the cross, that He was raised from the grave and that He lives today?\u201d He shook his head, \u201cYes.\u201dWould you like for me to pray with you right now? Would you like for me to pray and you repeat after me or would you rather pray your own prayer? You would have to know Stephen and he’s still like this. He said to me, \u201cI’ll pray it myself.\u201d He was only five years old and he prayed one of the most beautiful prayers. I’m convinced that he knew what he was doing; he came to faith in Jesus. Because I wasn’t a preacher yet, we asked a pastor to come over because I thought that he was too young. We had the preacher come over on a Sunday afternoon and interview him. Afterwards, the pastor said to us, \u201cHe knows more about it than most adults I talk to. I think he’s ready to be baptized.\u201d So, Stephen was baptized <\/i><\/span> shortly after that. It all started with just having these conversations with my children. For my other two children, it was more like seven or eight years old before they received Christ.

Parents, you don’t want to miss this season where you really want to talk to them about the Lord. It’s so important during this season. It’s the \u201ccoach and encourage\u201d season.

3. Charge and Send as they mature.

We have this third parenting style that I’m calling \u201ccharge and send\u201d as they mature. We’re working on this word, \u201ccharge.\u201d He says this, in verse 12, \u201cwe exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory.\u201d This is the season where you’re beginning the \u201ccountdown for launch.\u201d You’re beginning the \u201ccountdown for release <\/i><\/span>.\u201d This is the season where you’re beginning to recognize that now they’re going to be out of sight. They’re going to start riding the bicycle around the block where you can’t see them or in the next neighborhood that you are going to allow them to go eventually. This is going to be the season where they start doing sleepovers and feeling peer pressure from being in high school. This is the season where you hand them the keys to your car after you’ve taught them to drive. Little by little, you’re doing a \u201crelease\u201d here. This is the season where you’re charging them and sending them as they go out, reminding them of what you’ve taught them and reminding them of who they are. You are telling them, \u2018I can’t be with you now, but God is always with you. So I charge you to live for Him as we’ve taught you to do.\u2019 During this season, parents, if you hadn’t been <\/i><\/span> praying a lot up until now, you’re gonna start praying like you have never prayed during these teenage years. If you didn’t teach them to obey when they were 0 to 6 years old and you still didn’t teach them to obey when they were 7 to 12 years old, it’s going to be really hard to teach them now.

I see parents make this mistake \u2013they try to be their buddy when they’re little and then when they become teenagers, the parents try to be \u201cprison wardens.\u201d It ends up making the child rebel more because the parents didn’t teach them earlier. It’s the wrong \u201ctool;\u201d it’s the wrong parenting style. This is the season where you’re beginning to send them out and you want to make sure you’ve put everything in them that you can put in them. This is the season when you’ve \u201ccharged\u201d them to follow the One who calls them, which is the Lord.

Jesus says this, in John 20:21 (ESV) Jesus said to them again, \u201cPeace be with you. As the Father <\/i><\/span>has sent me, even so I am sending you.\u201d This is the season where you’re sending them out. This is that season of importance.

I used to say this to my children. I think it came to mind and I don’t think I read it anywhere. It just popped in my head the first time my oldest was getting ready to go on a date. He’d been mowing yards and saving his money. His grandfather gave him a little money, too. I said to him, \u201cOk, you have this much money, I’ll help you get this little car.\u201d So we got this little blue car. He had his own car. He’s 16 now and he’s getting ready to go on a date. As he was getting ready to walk out the door, a panic attack hit me. Oh, my goodness. He’s getting ready to walk out the door and he’s going to drive that little car. He\u2019s <\/i><\/span> going to go pick up a little girl. Oh my goodness, what have I got in my head? So, I said to him, \u201cWait a minute. I want to say one more thing to you. Remember who you are and Whose you are.\u201d He says to me, \u201cWell, I know who I am. I’m your son.\u201d I say, \u201cThat’s not what I mean. I know you’re my son. I know that you know that. I want you to remember Whose you are.\u201d He says, \u201cDo you mean, like, as a Christian?\u201d I said, \u201cYes. You’re a child of God. Remember that.\u201d He said, \u201cI know that dad.\u201d Well, who do you belong to? I belong to you. No, no, no, not to me. I know you belong to me. Who do you belong to? The Lord. That’s right.

So, from then on, every child, all three of <\/i><\/span> them, before they could leave the house would hear me say, \u201cRemember who you are and Whose you are.\u201d They would say it back to me, \u201cRemember who I am and Whose I am.\u201d You’re a child of God. You belong to the Lord. They were going out past my control. By the way, I never had control anywhere along the way. It was all an illusion the whole time. It was a matter of throwing myself at the Lord’s mercy and grace and saying, \u201cWill You help me raise these children? Will you help my wife?\u201d I raise them up and now the illusion is shattered. They’re walking away; they’re driving away. Lord, You have to do this. You have to take care of them now. I’ve put all I know to put in them. I put some good stuff in there. I probably did a few bad things there, too . <\/i><\/span> I didn’t mean to do so. Lord, I hope that doesn’t mess them up. Show me some mercy, but I’m sending them, I’m charging them and sending them. Remember who you are and Whose you are. This is that season where you begin to release. I\u2019ve taken off the \u201ctraining wheels.\u201d I\u2019ve already taught them how to ride their bikes.

Now, you’re saying, \u2018Go; do what I’ve taught you. Now, go and do it.\u201d This is the season that you want that to happen. It\u2019s going to have some bumps in the road. There’s going to be some bumps in that season. There’s going to be peer pressure. They’re going to make mistakes. But if they know you’re there and that you love them, they can come back and ask for advice. It makes so much difference. This is a countdown to the launch. That’s what this season is.

(Grid pops up on the screen again.)

This is the 13 to 17 year old \u201ccharge and send\u201d season. It’s high honor, but it’s low obedience. This is not the season that you’re teaching them rules, regulations and obedience. You’ve already put that \u201cin the bank\u201d in the first two phases of their life. This is the season of \u201ccharge and send;\u201d high respect and high honor. You’re still teaching them to make sure they honor you. Hey, you noticed that, if dad’s running late, he calls mom because he loves her and tells her that he\u2019s running late from work today. Or mom calls dad and tells him that she ran into something over here and is going to be late getting home. We call each other. So if you’re out and you’re running late, what should you do? I should call? Yes. It’s called respect. It’s called honor <\/i><\/span>. This should be the season where you are explaining things, teaching them and learning to send them.

The final parenting phase, which is the title of the message today, is when your children are over 17, 18 or 19 years old. That’s the \u201crelease and mentor\u201d phase. That’s the season where you’ve \u201cput it in the bank\u201d and you’ve sent them out. Now, the terrifying thing is, you’ve given them back to the Lord. Lord, I give them to you.

Here’s the thing. We have to watch as parents of grown children and as grandparents. We have to be very careful in this season. If you’ve released them to the Lord, be careful about nagging them and offering unsolicited advice. Be careful about <\/i><\/span> that because you could drive them away. But, if you’ve \u201cput it in the bank\u201d with them. If you’ve taught them, this will be the season, if you’ve done it the way the Bible describes here, they’ll come back to you and ask for advice.

In fact, this is what happened with all three of our kids. Somewhere in their teenage years, we became the dumbest people they knew. Mom and Dad didn’t know anything for about five years there. They wouldn’t say it, but you could see it on their face; that Yeah, right look. Then, somewhere in their college years and when they first get married, little by little, our phone starts ringing again. My daughter who called me \u201cdad\u201d through her teenage years is, all of a sudden, calling me \u201cdaddy\u201d again. How did that happen? So my daughter, she calls me maybe once <\/i><\/span> or twice a day now. She’s a grown woman with three kids. How did we get there? I’m not calling her to tell her stuff. She’s calling me to ask me for advice. My son calls me. How did I get there? By the grace of God.

We did our best to mess them up sometimes because we would lose our temper. We’d do it wrong. We’d make mistakes. But , along the way, we did our very best to pray for them and to try our best, in the power of the Holy Spirit, to follow the word of God and God has blessed us. I want that blessing for all of us. We’re not a perfect family. We’re a mess because if it weren’t for Jesus, we wouldn’t have what we have.

Parents, uncles, aunts, wherever you’re at, I know you’re praying for somebody. You’re praying for a child, a toddler that’s about to drive you crazy. A newborn that’s keeping you from sleeping <\/i><\/span> at night. A teenager who you’re really concerned about, an adult child that seems to be running from the very God that you raised him up to follow and you don’t know what to do about it. I know you’ve got your specific questions about the season of life you’re in. I might not know exactly what to tell you, but I know the One to point you to. I know this is God’s owner’s manual (Bible) and I know He’s the one that will empower you and answer your prayers. He’s the Father who knows what to do for us.

Remember this? We’re launching them like arrows towards the Lord. It says in Psalm 127:1-5 (ESV) 1 \u201cUnless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain… 3 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. 4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. 5 Blessed is the man who fills his <\/i><\/span> quiver with them!\u201d

Let’s aim our children at the target; the \u201cbulls eye\u201d is Jesus. Let’s aim them at Jesus. Let’s aim them at the One who gave them to us. We receive them from the Lord. We open our hands. We receive this child as a gift from the Lord. We raise them up in the Lord, the whole time with a goal of releasing them back to the Lord. This is the God-given stewardship that He gives us as parents, that he gives us as a church and as a community of raising the next generation. These guidelines that the Lord gives us only work when we are empowered by the Holy Spirit within us.

Let’s pray, Lord Jesus, thank You for Your word. I pray, right now, for that person that might be here in person, maybe next door or watching online. They recognize that they need You and they’ve never given their life to You. So I pray, first of all, for that person. \nRight where you <\/i><\/span> are, you can pray to receive Jesus as your Lord and Savior. Pray like this, \u201cDear Lord Jesus, I’m a sinner and I need Your help. I believe that You died on the cross for my sin, that You were raised from the grave and that You live today. I believe that. Come and live in me. Forgive me of my sin. Adopt me into Your family. I want to be a child of God and I want to follow You as my Lord and Savior.\u201d If you’re expressing that faith, in prayer right now, He’ll save you. Others are here today and you’ve received the Lord as your Lord and Savior, but you’re heavy about a child right now. It could be a young person. It could be a teenager. It could be an adult child. Maybe you’re a grandparent and it’s a grandchild or the way your adult children are parenting. Maybe you’re an uncle or an <\/i><\/span> aunt, maybe you’re in some other situation, you’re a school teacher or teaching in some other place right now. Pray like this, \u201cLord give us the wisdom to know our children and to know how to raise them up in the way they should go. To train them up in the way they should go, knowing that You have said, \u201cIf we train them up in the way they should go, when they’re old, they’ll not depart from it. \u201c May it be so, in Jesus\u2019 name. Amen.\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Have you noticed that every child is unique? No two are the same. And as they grow, they change. So the parenting style that seemed effective when they were small, doesn\u2019t work when they\u2019re older. These differences need different parenting styles. Godly parents recognize their call to be leaders who make disciples. If we want to be effective, we have to match our parenting style to every child\u2019s situation.<\/p>\n

In his first letter to the Thessalonians, the apostle Paul told them that he had discipled them like a parent according to their situation, sometimes gentle and affectionate like a mother and sometimes strong like a father in order to release them to live up to God\u2019s calling. We can parent our children following God\u2019s Word to match our child\u2019s situation with a goal of releasing them to the Lord. <\/p>\n

For more details and to get a close look at some of the charts and graphs shared, please see Pastor Gary’s blog article: Adapting Your Parenting Style to the Child<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"featured_media":11649,"template":"","tags":[2030],"series":[2930],"scripture-book":[1319],"scripture-chapter":[1335],"speaker":[2007],"class_list":["post-11648","message","type-message","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-parenting","series-the-3-rs-of-parenting","scripture-book-1-thessalonians","scripture-chapter-1335","speaker-gary-combs"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/message\/11648","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/message"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/message"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/message\/11648\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/11649"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11648"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11648"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=11648"},{"taxonomy":"scripture-book","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/scripture-book?post=11648"},{"taxonomy":"scripture-chapter","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/scripture-chapter?post=11648"},{"taxonomy":"speaker","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/speaker?post=11648"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}