{"id":10762,"date":"2022-08-07T19:08:17","date_gmt":"2022-08-07T23:08:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/?post_type=message&p=10762"},"modified":"2022-08-29T08:43:55","modified_gmt":"2022-08-29T12:43:55","slug":"on-marriage","status":"publish","type":"message","link":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/message\/on-marriage","title":{"rendered":"On Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Below is an automated transcript of this message<\/h3>\n\n\n\n All <\/i><\/span> right, good morning church! It is good to see all of you this morning. We’re in part four of our family life series, \u201cFAMILY LIFE: Family Lessons from Ephesians.\u201d This series is about God’s design for the family. It’s meant for believers; believers who believe in God’s word and have the Holy Spirit living in their hearts so that they know how to live together as a family.

\nThe book of Ephesians was written to the church of Ephesus to let them know how it would look for them to be living as the family of God. We’re applying this to our families today. Today, we’re going to be looking at this topic, \u201cmarriage.\u201d Singles don’t check out on me; all of us begin life as singles. All of us will face the Lord someday as singles. Many of us will have periods in our life where we’re single again. Looking at this today, on marriage, many times, the singles say <\/i><\/span> Oh man, it’s on marriage. Here’s what I would say if you’re a young person\u2013 maybe a teenager, college age student and you’re not married: Take good notes on this sermon, today, on marriage. Take some notes today on the right kind of person you should be looking for in marriage.

\nYou might ask, \u201cHow does God’s word help with our marriage?\u201d Maybe you’re asking even a different question, \u201cDoes it help? Being a Christ follower, does that even help?\u201d I would say to you, \u201cAbsolutely!\u201d

\nIn fact, surveys have proven that it helps. \u201cThe Good News About Marriage,\u201d by Shaunti Feldhahn, is a book that I have read recently. She says this, \u201cEvery study that has ever been done has found that the rate of divorce among thosewho <\/i><\/span>regularly attend church is much lower than among those who don\u2019t. \u2026 The bottom line is that weekly church attendance lowers the divorce rate significantly\u2014 roughly 25 to 50 percent.\u201d The reason she’s talking about church attendance is that it was one of the markers that they were looking for in a person who’s practicing their faith. It makes a difference.

\nBefore we dig into the book of Ephesians on this, let me do a quick survey for you, a self test. I’m going to ask you ten questions to get the \u201crelational temperature\u201d of your marriage. Try not to elbow the person next to you too hard. We don’t want any broken ribs today. I’m going to ask you ten questions; you can reflect on them.

\n1. How often do you laugh together?\n 2. When is last time you had a meaningful conversation about something other than your schedules or the \n kids?? <\/i><\/span>\n3. Do you still hold hands?\n4. Has your physical intimacy grown cold, infrequent, or a source of too much pressure and stress?\n5. When is the last time you said \u201cI\u2019m sorry\u201d or \u201cI forgive you\u201d?\n6. When is the last time you said \u201cThank you\u201d for regular, ordinary task like making dinner, doing the dishes, paying \n the bills, fixing the car, or folding the laundry?\n 7. When is the last time you surprised each other with a gift, a note, or a night out <\/i><\/span>?\n8. Have you raised your voices at one another in the last month?\n9. When did you last say \u2018I love you\u2019 to each other?\n 10. How many times in the last month have you prayed together or read the Bible together?\n \nHow did you do? Are there some areas that you need to tune up? Do you need a reset? Truth is, all of us need help in our relationships. The bible is a great source for this. May I say this to you as you listen to this message today \u2013 these instructions are aimed at believers who have been born again by the love of Jesus in their life and have the Holy Spirit living in their life that enables them to carry out these instructions. Otherwise you couldn’t do it. In fact, your old nature, the nature you had before you came to Jesus, would buck against these instructions. That might help you today, as you’re listening to these instructions, if you feel <\/i><\/span> your nature bucking against them going, I don’t like that one. Let that be something that indicates something to you very important spiritually.

\nAs we look today, this is the apostle Paul’s letter to the church at Ephesus. He gives instructions on how to follow God’s design for the family. Among these instructions are His design for marriage. I believe we can follow, with the help of the Holy Spirit, these instructions. As we look today, I think we’ll see three instructions for the marriage that follows God’s design.

\nEphesians 5:22-33 (ESV) 22 \u201cWives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her <\/i><\/span>,\nher, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 \u201cTherefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.\u201d 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.\u201d This is God’s word. Amen.

\nHere’s the first instruction on how to follow <\/i><\/span> God’s design for marriage:

\n1. WIVES: Willingly follow your husband.

\nWives don’t get concerned. I’m just following the order of how Paul addresses it here. I’ll get to your husbands, but for a moment, we’re going to be talking to wives. There are three key words I want us to \u201cunpack\u201d as we inform what it means to willingly follow your husband. \nThe first word is \u201csubmit,\u201d the second word is \u201chead\u201d and the third word is \u201crespect.\u201d

\nThe first word is \u201csubmit.\u201d That word is mentioned twice, in verse 22 and verse 24. It\u2019s in the \u201cmiddle imperative\u201d in Greek. \u201cMiddle\u201d means it’s something you decide to do on your own without external force, without external action causing you to do it. You decide on your own to follow this command. We don’t have an equivalent in the English language, but in Greek, it’s in the middle voice, which means to tell yourself to do a thing. In <\/i><\/span> other words, wives willingly tell yourself, I’m going to arrange my life so that I follow my husband’s lead. It means \u201cto line up under;\u201d literally it’s a word that our modern culture hates. It\u2019s the word \u201csubmission.\u201d We hate that word and it’s part of the flesh. The flesh hates that word because it means I’m not in control.

\nNotice what it says here. It says, in verse 22, \u201cWives submit to your husbands, as to the Lord.\u201d It\u2019s a reflection of where you’re at in following the Lord. Submit to your husbands as you submit to the Lord.

\nNow, there’s a sin problem that we have. The old nature wants to do the opposite of what God’s word says. That’s the nature of sin. It always wants to do its own thing. It starts in the book of Genesis, chapter three. The problem for the wife is, instead of wanting to submit to her husband’s headship, she wants to do things contrary to her. She wants to <\/i><\/span> be the head herself.

\nIt says in Genesis, chapter three, this is God speaking to the woman, speaking to Eve right after they had eaten the forbidden fruit. Genesis 3:16 (ESV) To the woman he said, \u201cI will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.\u201d The old nature says, \u2018I want to be in charge.\u2019 You see, that’s the attitude of sin; \u2018I want to do it my way rather than God’s way.\u2019 That’s the \u201cdefault\u201d that often causes marital stress and marital conflict.

\nJohn Piper says, when he’s looking at this phrase, when it says, \u201cYour desire shall be for your husband,\u201d it means that when sin has the upper hand in woman, she will desire to overpower or subdue or exploit man. And when sin has the upper hand in man, he <\/i><\/span>respond in like manner and with his strength subdue her, or rule over her.\u201d That’s what sin does; it causes us to try to take control.

\nWhy is the word, \u201csubmit,\u201d such a trigger in today’s culture? Let me, first of all, say to those that would try to diminish this word and say, \u2018Well that’s Paul in this one passage.\u2019 This word, \u201csubmit,\u201d is all over the bible. Can I just give you a few examples and maybe answer this question?

\nFirst of all, why submit? Because it’s fitting. It’s proper for that woman who would be walking in the spirit of the Lord. Notice, it says in Colossians 3:18 (NIV84) \u201cWives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.\u201d It marks you as a godly woman. It’s fitting. It fits your Christianity. It fits that you’re following the Lord.

\nAnother reason why you should follow God’s word to submit to your husband is because it brings you into alignment with His word. Titus 2:4-5 (ESV) 4 \u201cand so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5to <\/i><\/span> \nbe self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.\u201d In other words, the woman who is not lining up under her husband is reviling the word of God. The Greek word that’s translated \u201creviled\u201d is the Greek word, blasph\u0113me\u014d, where we get the word \u201cblasphemy.\u201d

\nHere’s another reason why you should follow God\u2019s word to submit to your husband if you have an unbelieving husband. You might be thinking, But do I have to follow him? He’s not a believer. Well, you married him. Here’s what Peter writes, 1 Peter 3:1-2 (NIV84) 1 \u201cWives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.\u201d There’s power; it doesn’t make sense. It’s paradoxical, but there’s power and influence in following, lining up under your husband. It’s the most influential <\/i><\/span> way to influence him.

\nThe second word is \u201chead.\u201d We’ve \u201cunpacked\u201d the word, \u201csubmit.\u201d I spent a little bit more time there because it’s the most problematic of all the words I will cover today. It goes against the grain of today’s culture. Notice that the word, \u201chead,\u201d is an organic term. It’s not an organizational term, it’s not a CEO or a president or a dictator. The husband is to be the head. What good is a head without a body? It can’t do anything without a body to support it.

\nIf the husband is the head, why didn’t Paul start with the husband? He started with the wife. Why is that? Here’s what I think is the reason he starts with the wife \u2013because the kind of way this husband is supposed to lead requires her to surrender the \u201ckeys to the car\u201d first to him. He can’t do the kind of commands that God’s given him unless she first says, \u2018I’m willing to follow you,\u2019 because he’s not <\/i><\/span> called to be a dictator. This idea of head is the idea that she supports the head. Headship is about function, not equality. Saying that he’s the head doesn’t mean he’s greater. It doesn’t even mean he’s better. It means that that’s the function God has called him to fulfill. He hasn’t earned it. He was made for it.

\n1 Corinthians 11:3 (ESV) \u201cBut I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.\u201d The head of Christ is God. Is Christ diminished because He follows and submits to the Father? Is He less than God? No. He’s equal to God. The Father, Son and the Holy Spirit are one. This is the expression of the Trinity with Christ within the trinity. This is mutual submission, so that Christ submits to the Father and the Spirit submits to Christ. We have <\/i><\/span> this picture of the eternal God, that there’s this submission within. There’s this oneness; this unity. He’s saying to us that the wife is not diminished. In fact she is one with her husband as she submits to him. Everyone knows that a two headed beast is a monster. There’s one head; there is this submission. It’s the picture of Christ. It’s not about who is the better; it’s about function.

\nSpeaking of who is better, both are equal. It says in Galatians 3:28 (CEV) \u201cFaith in Christ Jesus is what makes each of you equal with each other, whether you are a Jew or a Greek, a slave or a free person, a man or a woman.\u201d Submission does not diminish who you are.

\nHere’s the third word, \u201crespect.\u201d We have to go down to verse 33 to get this word. Paul is summarizing in verse 33 what he has said up until then to married couples. He changes the word from \u201csubmit\u201d to \u201crespect.\u201d When he talks to the <\/i><\/span> wife, he says \u201crespect.\u201d When he talks to the husband, he repeats the word, \u201clove,\u201d 33 \u201cHowever, let each one of you love his wife as himself.\u201d Then, he surprises us with a new word for the wife, 33 \u201c…and let the wife see that she respects her husband.\u201d He didn’t say \u201csubmit\u201d here; he had finished working that out.

\nNow, he gives us a new word; the word, \u201crespect,\u201d has the idea \u201cto revere, to honor.\u201d It has this idea of giving him permission to lead. You respect him because of the command of the Lord. This is something that maybe wives don’t understand about men; it’s how men receive love. Men like to hear you say, \u201cI love you.\u201d They like that. I like it when my wife says that she loves me. But the way I receive love is different from the way she does. I feel most loved by her when she respects me. I’ve noticed <\/i><\/span> that most women feel most love when they experienced tenderness and words of affection from their husbands. Husbands, your wives need words from you. She needs to hear words; she needs an affectionate touch. She needs gentleness. But wives, hear this \u2013 men desire respect. They desire respect. A man who is feeling disrespected feels unloved. This is something important that Paul is teaching wives about their husbands, so that they understand this reality about their husbands. A basic need of a woman is to be loved. A basic need of a man to be respected.

\nLet me show you a little chart. We call this the crazy cycle.

\n

\nI got this from a book entitled, \u201cLove & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs.\u201d I would recommend this book to you. Here’s the crazy cycle. Let me tell you how this works: Without love, she reacts without respect. Without respect, he reacts without love. The crazy cycle <\/i><\/span>. If he feels disrespected, he acts unloving, lf she feels unloved, she acts disrespectful. And it’s hard to get off the crazy cycle. What I’m instructing you is not secular marriage counseling. This is Christian marriage instruction that you can’t do without the power of Christ living within you. One of you can break the cycle by saying, \u2018I will decide to respect him.\u2019 Watch what happens; respect and love will sprout up . He’ll start showing love; if the husband will show her love, it will break the cycle. Somebody has to decide to break the cycle.

\nWives, submission does not mean to be a slave. It does not mean to lose your identity. It does not mean blind obedience. It doesn’t mean breaking the law. If your husband says, \u2018Let’s go rob a bank,; it doesn’t mean to do that <\/i><\/span>. It doesn\u2019t mean to put up with abuse; it doesn’t mean to become a \u201cdoormat.\u201d

\nWhat it does mean, is to willingly say, \u2018I will follow you as you follow Christ.\u2019 It means to willingly say, \u2018I want you to be the head of our family and I want to follow God’s design for our marriage.\u2019 Wives, will you obey God’s word? Here’s the second instruction:

\n2. HUSBANDS: Sacrificially love your wife.

\nNow, may I take note that the wives got the shorter section. Wives, you got some hard stuff but the husbands have a longer section. First of all, husbands, you have a really tough challenge. \u201cHusbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.\u201d We’re talking about \u201cagape\u201d love here. We’re talking about sacrificial love that would lay down one’s life for his wife. That he would be willing to die for her; that kind of love is sacrificial love.

\nNow most husbands would say, \u2018Yes, if somebody broke into the house, I would take <\/i><\/span> a bullet for my wife.\u2019 But, they don’t feel so much like helping her wash the dishes or helping her make the bed. Most men have the macho thing but they’re not so good at the serving thing. This kind of love, this kind of headship that you’re being called to is to love and lead like Jesus. To love like Jesus and to lead like Jesus. Jesus was a servant leader who put the flock ahead of His own needs.

\nHusband, you can’t really do this with an unsubmissive wife because she won’t follow you. You’re trying to do things and you’re trying to use this gentle approach of leading. It won’t work. I think that’s why it started with wives who said, \u2018Okay, here you go. I’ll follow you now.\u2019 He can lead in this gentle way like Jesus. It’s a permission giving, to let him lead so that his leadership looks like Jesus. Jesus is not your leader until <\/i><\/span> you submit to Him. He doesn’t come beating your door down.

\nThe Bible says, in Revelation 3:20, \u201cHere I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.\u201d Jesus could kick the door in, but He doesn’t. The kind of leadership He wants the husband to have is to be gentle and to be a sacrificial leader and a spiritual leader.

\nFirst of all, he is to be a sacrificial leader, that he’s willing to put her interests ahead of his own. Then, he is to be a spiritual leader. Notice this phrase in verse 26, \u201cthat he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word.\u201d I believe that says something to the husband that he used to take leadership and Bible study and prayer in his house, that he used to be the priest of his house. What I’ve noticed in homes is that the wife is usually the most spiritual, the most bible reading <\/i><\/span>, prayer warrior. Husbands make the money and work. That’s a good start, but it’s not enough. God’s word has called you to be the priest of your house, to lead in bible study and prayer, to pray with your family and to read the bible with your family. You are called to be a sanctifying presence in your house, using the word of God.

\nSpeaking of words, He’s called you. He’s called you to use some. Your wife needs words. Husbands are not very good with words usually. Some of us are better than others. She needs to hear that you love her.

\nI was watching a movie yesterday. It was about a man who had left his family and had been away. Now, he’s got a teenage daughter. He found out that he was dying and he was trying to make up for it. He was talking to his ex-wife and she said to him , \u201cYou <\/i><\/span> need to tell your daughter that you love her.\u201d He said to her, \u201cShe knows that I love her. In fact, you know that I still love you.\u201d She said to him, \u201cYeah, but you still have to tell her.\u201d That’s true, isn\u2019t it ladies? You have to hear the words, \u201cI love you.\u201d Men, we need to \u201cwash\u201d her with words; we need to give her words. \nNow, I don’t know who did the counting, but I read somewhere that psychologists counted and women have 30,000 words they have to say every day. They have to say them to somebody. Men only have maybe 5 to 10,000 words, at the most, that they have to say every day. There might be differences between introverts and extroverts, but even introverts like to talk to maybe one or two at a time. Whereas, extroverts just like to talk to everybody all the time. Know this \u2013 You should pray for my wife because I’ve used up all of my words today probably until <\/i><\/span> Wednesday of this week. Every week, I have to lean on the Holy Spirit and say, \u2018Give me some words, Lord, to talk to my wife.\u2019 That’s what a sacrificial spiritual leader does. He finds the words to speak to his wife, to tell her that he loves her.

\nWe have this habit in our house; it really started by seeing the way my family did things. It was that you can’t even go out to get milk, you can’t leave the house without telling the other, \u201cI love you.: You can’t hang up from a telephone call before you say, \u201cI love you, goodbye.\u201d This is just a habit in my family. I think it comes from the Lord. Get good at it guys; it’s sacrificial. You don’t have as many words, but you better find some, because that’s one way that you love your wife.

\nNow, I told you that wives had three words \u2013 submit, head and respect <\/i><\/span>. The husband has one \u201cginormous word.\u201d It\u2019s love. Love like Jesus. He, also, has the words \u201cnourish\u201d and \u201ccherish.\u201d You can see that in verse 29, \u201cFor no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,\u201d \u201cNourish\u201d means to build up, to feed, to equip or to take care of. How many times, husbands, do you think, What would build my wife up? What would encourage her? What would help her grow in her dreams that she’s told me about that she has a dream for? so that the husband becomes like a servant. He says, \u2018How can I put some things in place to help you get where you want to get?\u2019 How often do we think that men are to nourish and to feed in order to bring up to maturity?

\n\u201cCherish,\u201d literally means, in Greek, \u201cto keep warm.\u201d That word, \u201ccherish,\u201d means to keep her warm, to be tender, to help her feel secure. Security is often one of the <\/i><\/span> great needs of the wife. What will cause her to be fearful, perhaps more than anything, is to feel like something is insecure. Give her the awareness that you cherish her with tenderness and gentleness. Sacrificial love is not harsh, it’s gentle.

\nIt says in Colossians 3:19 (ESV) \u201cHusbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.\u201d \nBe gentle. Be careful. Sacrificial love is understanding and honoring.

\n1 Peter 3:7 (ESV) \u201cLikewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.\u201d By the way, if your marriage is suffering, your prayer life will suffer. Some women are maybe triggered by the scripture that the woman is a weaker vessel. You\u2019re sitting here and thinking, \u2018Well I never miss work when I get a cold, but he has to check out for three days.\u2019 Maybe, it would help to recognize that Peter here is using a metaphor. \u201cVessel\u201d is <\/i><\/span> something that you put food in, like a cup or a plate. Okay, so she’s a weaker vessel; one way that I would like to look at this, men, is like this \u2013 she’s not tupperware. She’s fine china, you’re to treat her special. She’s not just any plate. She’s not just any mug or any cup.

\nAt my house, we have special dining ware for special occasions. We don’t get it out at just any time of the year. My wife has Christmas plates that have Christmas trees on them; we only get out and we only eat on those plates on Christmas Eve and Christmas day. They <\/i><\/span>are fine china. They are nice; they were bought and given to us when we were first married. We eat out of the regular stuff for the rest of the year. \nWhat I’m trying to say here to the husbands is that she’s not just any woman. She’s your one and only; treat her like fine china.

\nRemember, men, that the wife has a sin problem, her sin problem is that she wants to be in charge. Her desire is for your role. Today, we have movements of people who are trying to flip the genders in the opposite direction. They are trying to redefine marriage. But, marriage was God’s idea; He is the one who invented it. I think it’s better to follow Him. The wife, though, wants to <\/i><\/span> to do the opposite of submit. She wants to be contrary to submission. She wants to be in charge.

\nWhat\u2019s the man\u2019s sin problem? Let’s go back to Genesis; here’s his problem most of the time. He’s more of a \u201cheeder\u201d than a leader. Genesis 3:17 (NKJV) 17 Then to Adam He said, \u201cBecause you have heeded the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree of which I commanded you, saying, \u2018You shall not eat of it\u2019: \u201cCursed is the ground for your sake; In toil you shall eat of it all the days of your life.\u201d Instead of heeding God’s word, Adam heeded her word. Adam surrendered his headship and followed her, even though I gave you the instructions. She didn’t even know the instructions from Me. I gave them to you. You were supposed to tell her and you didn’t tell her properly.

\nLook at that story in Genesis Chapter three. Where was Adam ? <\/i><\/span> He was standing there watching while she picked the fruit. He didn’t intervene. This is what I’ve noticed about men is that they are lazy and\/or passive. They have an unwillingness to do the hard work in their marriage. Wives do the majority of the relational work. That’s the man\u2019s sin problem; we tend to either go in one ditch or the other. Either we become domineering, damaging, hurtful husbands or we become \u201ccouch potatoes.\u201d We become like little boys who never grew up and just want to play video games with all of our free time. We are more into our hobbies than we are into the heart of our wife. That’s our sin problem\u2013passivity\u2013not willing to take the role, so the wife takes it because you forfeited it. She had no choice. Men are called to be like Jesus; to love and lead.

\nRemember the crazy cycle? I’ll review that with you quickly and then I’ll show you a better one. The crazy cycle is, without love, he reacts without respect. Without respect, he <\/i><\/span> reacts without love. There goes the crazy cycle.

\nThere’s a better way to live. It’s the energizing cycle. Let’s look at that:\n

\nWhen he gives her his love, it motivates her respect. Whenever he receives her respect, it motivates his love. More and more, as he loves her, she respects him more. As he receives her respect, he loves her more. They break out of the crazy cycle by obeying God’s word and depending on God’s Spirit within you. It changes your marriage. It changes the way you relate to each other. It starts a new cycle in your marriage.

\nHusbands, will you follow God’s design for your marriage? Will you start getting active, getting into God’s word and getting busy leading your family?

\nI don’t know how all of you got to church today. Some of you have kids. I remember when we were young and we had three little kids <\/i><\/span>. We would get into our little Subaru to go to church. I was a Sunday school teacher back in the days before I was a pastor and I was still working a corporate job. My wife would be so flustered on Sunday mornings and I would be sitting out in the car because I’m a time nut. I need to be early. I would be sitting out in the car and she’d be in the house trying to get everybody ready. I was thinking, \u2018I need to be on time to teach Sunday school.\u2019 Then, one Sunday, my sweet wife said to me, \u201cI have to get myself and our three kids ready and all you have to do is get yourself ready. That’s not fair.\u201d I first thought, \u2018Well, I have to teach Sunday school.\u2019 Then, fortunately, the Holy Spirit lives inside of me. She is right and I am wrong. I said to her, \u201cOkay, you’re right. I’ll get the boys ready (because we had two boys and a girl).\u201d \u201cI’ll get <\/i><\/span> the boys ready and you get the little girl ready.\u201d That was a big shift in our family. On Sunday mornings, I would get three of us ready. She had to get two ready. I had to get up earlier. I had to work harder. But you know, it was part of me having to grow up. We got married when we were very young and it was this part of having to grow up.

\nSometimes, that’s really what’s going on in your marriage. You just need to grow up. Men, sometimes we just need to grow up and recognize that sacrificial leadership often looks like carrying more of the load so that your wife is energized. Here is the third instruction.

\n3. MARRIED: Display the mystery of our oneness in Christ.

\nThis is to both of you, at the same time, to display the mystery of oneness in Christ. Married people should display the mystery of our oneness in Christ. I’m looking at verses 31 and 32. In verse 31, Paul just quotes Genesis <\/i><\/span>2:24. He quotes it verbatim. \u201c Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.\u201d That’s where God held the first marriage ceremony; marriage was God’s idea. He made a male and female; there comes a time when they grow up that they want to leave their own families and become one flesh. This is a mystery, Paul says. This mystery is profound; it is that we would become one flesh, that as we grow older and grayer together, we complete each other’s sentences. Sometimes we don’t even have to speak, we just look at each other and just nod, uh huh. We know exactly what the other one’s thinking because we become one.

\nIt’s a mystery in the way we become one biologically. God had in mind our oneness to be a biological union because He made <\/i><\/span> us fitted for each other. I don’t need to go into the \u201cbirds and the bees\u201d right now, but we recognize that He made us different. We are to be one; we are to be fitted for each other biologically, for mutual pleasure and also for procreation. Babies come from that oneness.

\nSecond, relationally, we are to become one. We are to leave and cleave. Leave and be held together, that we become one relationally. We start our own family. Spiritually, we are to become one because God is both witness and participant in the Christian marriage. He witnesses our vows, where we say before God and before witnesses. He’s one of the witnesses. We say, \u2018Until death do us part.\u2019 God is, also, a participant. In other words, He’s the one that makes it possible for us to stay together.

\n It says in Malachi 2:14-15 (ESV) 14 \u201c \u2026 the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom youhave <\/i><\/span> been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. 15 Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth.\u201d\nThis mystery is profound. The idea of the word, \u201cmystery,\u201d in the bible is not so much something that’s unfathomable, but it’s more like a secret that God wants to reveal. This oneness reveals something about Christ and His love for us, that when a husband and a wife experienced this oneness, this unity, this love and respect for one another, it causes their house to become a lighthouse for Jesus. People will ask, \u2018How do you stay married for fifty years?\u2019

\nI was talking to someone after the end of the first service. He said to me, \u201cWe have been married for 58 years.\u201d I said to him, \u201cWell, when you hit 60 <\/i><\/span> years, you will need to do something special. Don’t you think so?\u201d My wife and I have been married for 43 years now. Who’s been married for more than 43 years, lift your hand. Okay, you beat me. You got me by two.

\nListen, God wants your marriage, your house to be like a lighthouse because it shows forth what Jesus is planning on doing with the church, which is the family of God. Look what it says in Revelation 19:7-9 (NLT) 7 Let us be glad and rejoice, and let us give honor to him. For the time has has <\/i><\/span>come for the wedding feast of the Lamb, and his bride has prepared herself. 8 She has been given the finest of pure white linen to wear.\u201d For the fine linen represents the good deeds of God\u2019s holy people. 9 And the angel said to me, \u201cWrite this: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding feast of the Lamb.\u201d\n \nWho is that? It’s those who have said, \u201cyes,\u201d to submitting their life to Jesus as their Lord and Savior. They’re the ones who get the invitation to the wedding feast of the land. It’s a mystery but it’s been revealed to us in Christ.

\nWives, will you follow the instruction of God’s word? Husbands, will you follow His instruction? Do you want a marriage the way God describes in His word? There’s only one way and that’s to know Jesus. He’s the one that empowers us to have this kind of relationship.

\nLet’s pray. Lord, thank You for Your word. Thank you for marriage, that <\/i><\/span>You came up with this idea and it’s the basic building block of human society, but Lord, we can’t do it without You. There’s someone here this morning, as we’re praying right now, that would say with me, \u2018I’m a sinner and I need a Savior. I admit I need help. I need help in my marriage. I need help everywhere. Lord, I believe You died on the cross for my sinm You were raised from the grave and that You live today. I invite You today to come into my life, forgive me of my sin and to make me a child of God. Come and live in me. Lead me and empower me to be a Christ follower. I want You. I submit my life to You as my Lord and my Savior.\u2019 If you’re praying that prayer right now, believing, He will save you and He’ll go to work in you, making you more and more like Him. Others are here today and you are a Christ follower but you would admit I need <\/i><\/span> help today in my marriage, I want to be a better husband, I want to be more like Jesus in my leadership and in my spiritual headship. Husbands, you’re praying right now. Wives, you are praying right now, \u2018I want to be more like what Jesus teaches. I wanna be a godly wife. I want to be the kind of wife that shows respect for Jesus. In doing that, I show respect for my husband.\u2019 Lord, I pray for the marriages in our church and I pray for that marriage that came in on the rocks today. You’re just hanging on by a thread. Maybe, there’s someone here this morning that says, \u2018But I don’t love him anymore. I don’t love her anymore.\u2019 That can all be changed. Someone just has to say, \u2018I’ll start loving again.\u2019 It breaks us out of the crazy cycle. Right now, Lord, I pray for that marriage that’s in trouble, that You would turn it around because You’re the one Who raises the dead to life. Lord, we love You and we thank You. In Jesus\u2019 name. Amen. \n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How is your marriage doing? Are there some areas that need a tune-up? Or maybe even a restart? The truth is we all need help with our marriage. And the best help is found in the Lord. For God has a design for marriage.<\/p>\n

In the apostle Paul\u2019s letter to the Ephesians, he gave instructions on how to follow God\u2019s design for being the family of God. Among these, are his instructions on how to follow God\u2019s design for marriage. We can follow God\u2019s design for marriage.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"featured_media":10720,"template":"","tags":[2044],"series":[2899],"scripture-book":[1316],"scripture-chapter":[1338],"speaker":[2007],"class_list":["post-10762","message","type-message","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-marriage","series-family-life-2022","scripture-book-ephesians","scripture-chapter-1338","speaker-gary-combs"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/message\/10762","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/message"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/message"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/message\/10762\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10720"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10762"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10762"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=10762"},{"taxonomy":"scripture-book","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/scripture-book?post=10762"},{"taxonomy":"scripture-chapter","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/scripture-chapter?post=10762"},{"taxonomy":"speaker","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.garycombs.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/speaker?post=10762"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}